STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM (original by David Parsons) (who stole it from George McQuary) (who shamelessly appropriated the idea from Dave Sweeney) (totally unedited, in order to discomply with all UseNet bandwidth regulations) I took exception to your recent ___ post to _________________________. (newsgroup) ___ email It was (check all that apply): ___ lame. ___ stupid. ___ boring. ___ obvious killfile fodder. ___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable. ___ a (technical term ahead) bazillion lines long. ___ without question the most useless thing I have ever seen Your attention is drawn to the fact that: ___ what you posted/said has been done before. (Mark only if above checked, and similarly hereafter) ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time. ___ By you. ___ your post/mail was a pathetic imitation of _____________________. (net.personality) ___ your post/mail originated on (check all that apply) ___ FidoNet. ___ Delphi. ___ AOL. ___ Compu$erve. ___ zuma.*.anatolia.org . ___ Prodigy. ___ a BBS. ___ your post/mail was intended to be email/a post. ___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or Notesfile. ___ your post contained commercial advertising. THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to: Usenet News Network Security & Standards Patrol 2300 Davenport C-9 Knoxville, TN 37920-2165 or your posting privileges will be cancelled. ___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors. ___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors. ___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!! ___ your post contained insufficient capitalization andor punctuation ___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission. ___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission. ___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery. ___ It was done clumsily. ___ you have a lame login name. ___ your login name is a different handle than the one in your signature. ___ Both are stupid. ___ your machine has a stupid name. ___ your attempt at a middle name fell flat. ___ Painfully. ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text. ___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!" ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines of text. ___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]". ___ *Without* adding "
at 11". ___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group". ___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you. ___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you. ___ your post was so stupid it could almost be trolling. ___ But it's really too stupid even for that. ___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider. ___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line. ___ you have no .sig . ___ your .sig is longer than four lines. ___ And your newsreader truncated it. ___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply): ___ it's wider than 80 columns. ___ it's tabdamaged. ___ it threatens the McSnoozeAlarm limit. ___ it's longer than four lines. ___ it's longer than your included text. ___ it's longer than the entire rest of your post. ___ it approacheth Kibo's in length. (Mark only if one of above four also) ___ and includes ___ lines of nothing but whitespace. ___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es). ___ and a nine-digit ZIP code. ___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls. ___ you included a stupid disclaimer. ___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed. ___ Miserably. ___ you included: (Mark all that apply) ___ a stupid self-quote. ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody. ___ a reference to the world being 6000 years old ___ A Hitler reference. ___ a stupid quote from (Mark all that apply) ___ Rush Limbaugh. ___ Dan Quayle. ___ a rock band member. ___ from Rush. ___ from Pink Floyd. ___ (one of) the United Stated Founding Father(s). ___ an obscure poet or lyricist. ___ Animaniacs. ___ The Bible. ___ With chapter and verse for the Bible-impaired. ___ Star Trek. ___ a stupid set of fill-in-the-blanks. ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead. ___ lame ASCII fonts ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply): ___ USS Enterprise ___ Australia ___ The Amiga logo ___ Company logo ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer. ___ Bicycle ___ Bart Simpson ___ Sword ___ Dinosaur ___ Cat/Dog ___ plural ___ smiley ___ plural ___ Login name ___ plural ___ Real name ___ misspelled ___ excessive misuse of punctuation marks, namely __________ ___ In borders. ___ A great quantity thereof. ___ Fully enlosing the .sig . ___ Partially enclosing the .sig, allowing IMPORTANT and worthwhile INFORMATION to LEAK out into USENET!! Furthermore: ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ________________________. (newsgroup) ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net. ___ You are a loser. ___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this clueless. ___ *plonk* ___ This has been pointed out to you before. ___ It is recommended that you: (Mark all that apply) ___ Go Away. Now. ___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up. ___ find a volcano and throw yourself in. ___ get a gun and shoot yourself. ___ never attempt to reproduce yourself. ___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life. ___ stop sending email and get a life. ___ don't leave your terminal whilst still logged in. ___ consume excrement. ___ consume excrement and thus expire. Additional comments: