From: joeshaw@joeshaw.bevc.blacksburg.va.us (Joe Shaw) Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: Newbie refuge, NOVAK hate group Followup-To: misc.test Date: 15 Aug 1996 07:25:45 GMT haywar67@aol.com (Haywar67) wrote: > Uhhh...OK > I can see that this thread is being used exactly for what it was intended > for. > The hierarchy is falling deeper and deeper, SOMEONE HELP THEM!!! > > "Roll the bones...." ---Dan > Daniel, Blademaster and Clan of the Dragon Reborn under leadership of the > Prophet Masema. And a really nice guy... STANDARDIZED RASFWRJ BONEHEAD REPLY FORM V1.3 (adapted from the STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM by Joe Shaw) (integrating some of Karl-Johan Noren's rogue modifications to V1.0) (totally unedited, in order to discomply with all UseNet bandwidth regulations) I took exception to your recent post to rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan. It was (check all that apply): _X_ lame. _X_ stupid. _X_ boring. _X_ obvious killfile fodder. _X_ obvious retromoderation fodder. _X_ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable. ___ a (technical term ahead) bazillion lines long. _X_ without question the most useless thing I have ever seen ___ crossposted to alt.fan.robert-jordan ___ unnecessarily crossposted to rec.arts.sf.written ___ and you didn't put "JORDAN:" in the subject line. Your attention is drawn to the fact that: ___ This is a *family* newsgroup. ___ The answer to your question is in a FAQ, specifically: (Mark only if above checked, and similarly hereafter) ___ in the rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan FAQ, Section _._. ___ in the Wheel of Time FAQ, Section __.___. ___ in the Usenet FAQ. _X_ what you posted/said has been done before. ___ And is in the rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan FAQ. ___ And is in the Wheel of Time FAQ. _X_ Not only that, it was also done better the last time. ___ By you. ___ what you posted cannot possibly be. ___ Because of this reference: ________________________________. (Book, chapter, page ref.) ___ you told someone to read the FAQ and did not tell them where to find it. ___ you told someone to read the Wheel of Time FAQ when it would spoil them. ___ your post/mail was a pathetic imitation of _____________________. (net.personality) _X_ your post/mail originated from (check all that apply) ___ msn.com _X_ America Online. ___ ix.netcom.com ___ FidoNet. ___ Delphi. ___ Compu$erve. ___ Prodigy. ___ a BBS. ___ Texas. ___ your post contained MIME codes ___ your post/mail was intended to be email/a post. ___ and was both posted and emailed. ___ using Pine. ___ using Mozilla. ___ That means Netscape, in case you didn't know. ___ your post/mail was sent multiple (____) times. ___ with Mozilla ___ That means Netscape, in case you didn't know. ___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Folder, Board, BBoard, BBS, Notesfile, or Web Page. _X_ you are in violation of RFC 1855, Section(s) __3.1.1,3.1.3__. THE FINE FOR THIS IS $50. Please remit immediately to: RASFWRJ Cabal c/o Usenet Central Administration 916 W. Trinity Ave. #10 Durham, NC 27701 or your posting privileges will be canceled. ___ you posted a metaphor without a metaphor license. THE FINE FOR THIS IS $50. Please remit immediately to: RASFWRJ Cabal c/o Usenet Central Administration 916 W. Trinity Ave. #10 Durham, NC 27701 or your posting privileges will be canceled. ___ your post contained commercial advertising. THE FINE FOR THIS IS $100. Please remit immediately to: RASFWRJ Cabal c/o Usenet Central Administration 916 W. Trinity Ave. #10 Durham, NC 27701 or your posting privileges will be canceled. ___ you trolled a newsgroup veteran at the expense of an innocent newbie. THE FINE FOR THIS IS $_______. Please remit immediately to: RASFWRJ Cabal c/o Usenet Central Administration 916 W. Trinity Ave. #10 Durham, NC 27701 or your posting privileges will be canceled. ___ The amount specified is because you are a repeat offender. ___ The punishment for your next offense will be _____________________. ___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors. ___ and you are not halasz. ___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors. ___ and you are not an "innorant furinner" ___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!! ___ your post contained insufficient capitalization andor punctuation ___ And you are not E. E. Cummings. ___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery. ___ It was done clumsily. ___ your login name or signature name is from the Wheel of Time. ___ misspelled ___ and you did not include a non-Wheel of Time name. ___ your machine's hostname is from the Wheel of Time. ___ misspelled ___ your login name is a different handle than the one in your signature. ___ Both are stupid. ___ your attempt at a middle name fell flat. ___ Painfully. ___ you pointed out the fact that you are a newbie. ___ when it was painfully obvious anyway. ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and failed to attribute the quoted text. ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text. ___ you quoted an article in followup and only added one line of new text ___ that said "Me, too!!!" ___ that said "I agree." ___ that said "No." ___ that said "Yes." ___ and your name is not Aaron Bergman. ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines of text. _X_ you posted a followup to an article but gave no context for your remarks. ___ and the Message-Id: of the post you replied to wasn't even in the References: header. ___ and you changed the subject line as well. ___ you called David Eddings "the penultimate author." ___ you called Erica Sadun a "non-entity". ___ you called Hawk "cutie" or "babe". ___ you flamed a newbie for mistakes they did not make. ___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you. ___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you. ___ you flamed someone who is a member of the Cabal [There Is No Cabal]. _X_ your post was so stupid it could almost be trolling. _X_ But it's really too stupid even for that. _X_ and your name is not Timothy Bruening. ___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider. _X_ your software inserted newlines that made every other line less than thirty characters in length. ___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line. ___ you have no .sig . ___ your .sig is longer than four lines. ___ And your newsreader truncated it. _X_ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply): ___ it's wider than 80 columns. ___ it's tabdamaged. ___ it's longer than four lines. ___ it's longer than your included text. ___ it's longer than the entire rest of your post. ___ it approacheth Kibo's in length. (Mark only if one of above four also) ___ and includes ____ lines of nothing but whitespace. ___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es). ___ and a nine-digit ZIP code. ___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls. ___ and a fax number for people to use in prank faxes. ___ you included a stupid disclaimer. ___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed. ___ Miserably. ___ you included a "The est man/woman on the Net." quote. ___ and your name is not John S. Novak III. _X_ you included: (Mark all that apply) ___ a stupid self-quote. ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody. ___ the first sentence/paragraph of the first chapter of each of the WoT books. ___ a quote from the covers that does not appear in the text. _X_ a claim of membership in _3_ Wheel of Time groups. ___ whose membership is mutually exclusive. _X_ a stupid quote from (Mark all that apply) ___ Verin ___ Lini ___ A movie that nobody but you ever watched. ___ On "USA Up All Night". ___ The Simpsons ___ Animaniacs _X_ a rock band member. _X_ from Rush. ___ from Pink Floyd. ___ from The Smashing Pumpkins. ___ an obscure poet or lyricist. ___ The Bible. ___ With chapter and verse for the Bible-impaired. ___ The Karaethon Cycle ___ With English Translation for the Old Tongue impaired. ___ Star Trek. ___ Piglet. ___ And your name is not Judy Ghirardelli. (Mark only if one of above eleven also) _X_ and claimed it was your own quote. ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead. ___ a reference to Bela. ___ lame ASCII fonts ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply): ___ An Aes Sedai seal ___ And you included the dots that aren't there. ___ A Dragon's Fang (only). ___ The tear-drop of Tar Valon (only). ___ USS Enterprise ___ Australia ___ Texas ___ Randland ___ The Amiga logo ___ Company logo ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer. ___ Bicycle ___ Bart Simpson ___ Sword ___ with a heron. ___ and you claimed it was Callandor ___ A human head/face ___ plural ___ Cat/Dog ___ plural ___ Fish ___ plural ___ and your name is not Julie Kangas. ___ smiley ___ plural ___ Login name ___ plural ___ Real name ___ misspelled ___ excessive misuse of punctuation marks, namely __________ ___ In borders. ___ A great quantity thereof. ___ Fully enclosing the .sig . ___ Partially enclosing the .sig, allowing IMPORTANT and worthwhile INFORMATION to LEAK out into USENET!! Furthermore: _X_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan _X_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net. _X_ You are a loser. _X_ You must have spent your entire life in a statis box to be this clueless. ___ *Sniff* ___ *Snort* _X_ *plonk* ___ "Bite Me." _X_ This has been pointed out to you before. _X_ It is recommended that you: (Mark all that apply) _X_ Bow down and acknowledge the omniscience of the Cabal[TINC]. ___ Stop parroting things you don't understand. ___ Especially this list. _X_ Note followups. _X_ Go Away. Now. ___ stick to misc.kids and come back when you've grown up. ___ stick to FidoNet and switch to misc.kids when you reach puberty. _X_ stick to America Online and switch to Fidonet when you know what a badger is. _X_ Ask Rand, Mat or Perrin for advice about how to handle women. ___ Ask the Women's Circle for advice about how to handle men. ___ Lay down and not think about Roy. ___ felch yourself. _X_ squick yourself. ___ never attempt to reproduce yourself. ___ stop easing your badger and get a life. _X_ stop reading Usenet news and get a life. _X_ stop sending email and get a life. ___ don't leave your terminal whilst still logged in. ___ consume excrement. ___ consume excrement and thus expire. _X_ balefire yourself. Additional comments: (Blank forms may be freely obtained by members of the Cabal [TINC] by sending a self-addressed, stamped email message in reply to this post.) ------ Joe Shaw -- joeshaw@joeshaw.bevc.blacksburg.va.us Home Page: http://joeshaw.bevc.blacksburg.va.us/~joeshaw/