From: macabrus@aol.REMOVE.TO.REPLY.com (Phoenix) Newsgroups: news.admin.net-abuse.email Subject: Re: Agis offers $25,000 Reward Date: Thu, 29 May 1997 00:03:47 -0600 Organization: Eternity Ltd. X-No-Archive: yes X-Marks: The Spot X-Denver-Flambe: Timothy McVeigh X-Junk-Policy: Spam of any and all kinds is expressly forbidden here X-Spambait: smartass@punknet.org X-Newsreader: Yet Another NewsWatcher 2.4.0 Majestic7@ALIENSPAMcryogen.com (Roswell Coverup) wrote: > This just in: > > http://www.agis.net/reward.htm > > AGIS Offers $25,000 Reward For Information On Network Attack > > Dearborn, MI – May 28th, 1997: Worldwide Internet access provider AGIS > (Apex Global Internet Services, Inc.), > announced a total reward pool of $25,000 for information leading to > the arrest and conviction of persons involved with the > recent attack on AGIS' network. The FBI has set up a hot line, > encouraging anyone with information to call 313-965-3028. > AGIS sure wants to play this up, don't they? But boy, that pesky investigation keeps holding up the release of any details! Life is very convenient for some people sometimes, isn't it? I suppose now's as good a time as any to break out my own Phoenix Standardized LART Form, and say what I think of this article or AGIS in general. It's modelled after the SubGenius form of similar nature, and I expressly apologize to the SubGenii for any material I ripped off (but it was so much fun! besides which they're perfectly free to rip off my material in return). Enjoy: PHOENIX STANDARDIZED LART FORM (c) copyright now by yours truly. (check all boxes that apply) Flame Meter: [ ] 10. Lucifer's tanning bed [ ] 9. Dante's Inferno [ ] 8. Napalm [ ] 7. Weapons grade flamethrower [ ] 6. Bonfire at bookburning demonstration [ ] 5. Bonfire at political demonstration [ ] 4. Car bomb [ ] 3. Using gasoline for a cookout [ ] 2. Dynamite [X] 1. Firecracker Troll Meter: [ ] 10. More slime than in all the gutters of NYC [ ] 9. Caps lock is all gummed up [ ] 8. Them little dolls [ ] 7. False reverend [X] 6. False prophet [ ] 5. Grand Nagus [ ] 4. Gargamel [ ] 3. Enough warts to bankrupt Compound W [ ] 2. Your lips keep flapping but you say nothing [ ] 1. You claim to own a toll bridge Lameness Meter: [X] 10. Limper than Tone Loc after discovering Sheena was a man [ ] 9. Quadruplegic [ ] 8. Marshall Herff Applewhite [ ] 7. Paraplegic [ ] 6. Outer extremities after cross-checking by Claude Lemieux [ ] 5. Same as the cow whom Cripple Creek was named after [ ] 4. Mrs. O'Leary's cow [ ] 3. AOL newbie [ ] 2. Same as you'd feel if you had 10 beers [ ] 1. The Beta machine Intelligence Insult Meter: [X] 10. "Cyber Promotions is not in the business of annoying people" [ ] 9. Universal remove list [ ] 8. OJ is innocent [ ] 7. "I am not a crook" [ ] 6. "We're here to serve you" [ ] 5. GruBoursy [ ] 4. Pro wrestling [ ] 3. "Can't we all just get along?" [ ] 2. Bad soap opera [ ] 1. "I meant to do that!!" This author believes you are: [X] Liar [X] Coward [X] Loser [X] Lamer [X] Spammer [ ] Troll [X] Dimwit [ ] Anarchist [ ] Geek [X] Hypocrite [ ] Dopehead [ ] Looney [ ] Elvis [ ] Santa Impersonator [ ] Clueless Newbie [ ] Obsessed Fundamentalist [ ] Religious Atheist [ ] "Me Too" Imbecile [ ] Pervert [ ] Freakshow [ ] Censor [ ] Raiders Fan [ ] Garden Variety Imbecile [ ] Homeopath [ ] Racist [ ] Fed [ ] Potty Mouth [X] Pathetic [X] Bonehead [ ] Satanist [ ] Bogus Attorney [X] Waste Of Skin And Air [X] Mind-Numbingly Incompetent [X] Obesely Full Of Yourself [X] Two Fries Short Of A Happy Meal You have committed the unpardonable offense of: [ ] Crossposting to hell and back [ ] Multiposting enough times to calculate the value of pi [X] Annoying me [ ] Misplacing your binary [X] Misplacing your fly [ ] Them's fightin' words!! [X] Boring the hell out of me [ ] Posting what should've been Emailed [X] Trying to make money on my back [ ] Arrogantly imposing your religious beliefs on others [ ] Arrogantly imposing your atheistic beliefs on others [ ] Arrogantly blathering your government horsehockey on others [ ] Arrogantly imposing your racist beliefs on others [ ] Arrogantly imposing your anarchist beliefs on others [X] Being an unoriginal bastard [X] Making Grubor look intelligent [X] I don't like the tone of your voice [X] Posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message [ ] Being a dumb robot [ ] Started a long, stupid thread [X] Posted what has been done before [X] Not only that, it was done better the last time [ ] Being waaaay off topic [ ] Quoted the entire friggin' post [ ] Using HTML to post to news [ ] Can't seem to control where you're posting to [X] Must've spent your life in a skinner box to be this clueless [X] Using witless prattle [ ] Saying "ME TOO!" [X] Being of brazenly low IQ [X] Trying to make money off of spam [ ] Conducting a stoopid pyramid scheme [X] You are a loser [ ] Nobody likes you [X] Either or both of the above have been pointed out to you before [ ] Using stupid circular arguments [ ] PoStEd In ElItE cAPiTaLs [ ] Posted in ALL CAPS for no good reason [ ] Called the Net the Web [X] PO'd the SubGenii [X] Being generally ignorant of the purpose of the Internet [X] Being generally ignorant of the purpose of this newsgroup [X] Being generally ignorant [X] This has been pointed out to you before [X] Worthy of more flamage than all of Molotov's cocktails As part of your penance, you should: [X] Be dragged out into the street and shot [X] If you survive, be shot again [ ] Perform oral sex on a pit bull [X] Go to the confessional of the Church of the SubGenius [ ] Never show yourself in this newsgroup again [ ] Be knocked upside the head with a cluestick [ ] Get a day job [ ] Get a life [X] Burn your Email software [X] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it [ ] Smoke less of what you're smoking [X] Take a long walk off a short pier and french-kiss a shark [ ] Stick to FidoNet until you grow up [X] Be displayed in the public square as a pigeon latrine [X] Bathe in a geologically active mud pot [X] Work at Chernobyl [X] Make yourself an example of how to decrease the surplus population [X] Attend a Denver Nuggets game [ ] Post something relevant [ ] Read the damn FAQ [ ] Take a pill of my choosing [X] Find an active volcano and throw yourself in [ ] Consume excrement until you expire [ ] Beg for mercy In summary, I: [X] Spit in your face [ ] *PLONK* [ ] Shall throw peanuts at you [ ] Blow you off [X] Flip you the bird [ ] Hope you slip on the septic overflow [X] Hope you have a good time -- Ringleader of Very Disturbed Nerds - So Sayeth $pamford & Friends Known as James G. - to send Email, subtract words in caps from address Keeper of the Cyberpromo & AGIS FAQs - use the URLs listed below http://members.aol.com/macabrus/cpfaq.html - agisfaq.html "How do you shoot the Devil in the back? What if you miss?" - Keyser Soze Support Rep. Smith & oulaw junk commercial Email! - http://www.cauce.org