[Note that this FAQ is from Joel's point of view, and that Joel was apparently
especially cranky the day this was written...]

Article 18278 of alt.config:
From: jfurr@char.vnet.net (Joel Furr)
Newsgroups: alt.config,alt.fan.tim-pierce.control.control.control
Subject: Tim Pierce: the Frequently Asked Questions
Date: 12 Dec 1993 14:16:39 -0500
Organization: AAA Diety Removal ('If it's all-powerful, we'll get rid of it!')
NNTP-Posting-Host: char.vnet.net

FAQ: Tim Pierce

1) Who is Tim Pierce?

     He's the news administrator at Amherst College, up in Massa-
     chusetts.  He's been on the net long enough to consider
     himself a sage authority on all manner of subjects.

2) Is he a sage authority on all manner of subjects?

     No.

3) What's his favorite hobby?

     His favorite hobby is lurking in alt.config and springing on
     people who have ideas for new newsgroups and telling them
     why their ideas are totally idiotic and worthy of being
     buried in sixteen feat of cow manure.  He never says any-
     thing to the real losers who obviously don't know what
     they're talking about, preferring to save his opinions for
     those who sort of do and thus may be seen as in some vague
     way challenging Tim's position as God of alt.config.

4) Is there *anything* that he's right about?

     If he tells you that it would be a fine idea if no level of
     your proposed newsgroup name had more than 14 characters
     (e.g. "alt.transcendentalism" is too long for most news
     software to deal with, but "alt.snuggling" isn't because no
     level has more than 14 characters), he's right.  On just
     about all other conceivable issues, he's wrong.

5) I just proposed a new newsgroup in alt.config.  Tim told me I
should start it first as a mailing list.  But I just saw someone
who said they had a mailing list that they wanted to turn into a
newsgroup because it was getting too big, and Tim said that was
bad.  What's going on here?

     This is the Famous Tim Pierce Contradiction Number 1 (see
     below for Number 2).  A mailing list should never be turned
     into a newsgroup, no matter how big it gets.  All proposed
     alt. groups should start out as mailing lists and only be
     turned into newsgroups later if they do really well.  

     In other words, ignore him.

6) I just proposed a new newsgroup in one of the Big 7 hierar-
chies (comp, misc, soc, talk, news, sci, or rec) and Tim said it
should start out as an alt. group instead and then become a Big 7
group if it does really well.  But I just saw someone who pro-
posed moving an alt. group to a Big 7 group and Tim said that was
horribly, unbelievably bad.  What's going on here?

     This is the Famous Tim Pierce Contradiction Number 2 (see
     above for Number 1).  A new newsgroup should start out as an
     alt. group in order to judge how well it will do and maybe
     later on move it to a Big 7 group.  However, no alt. group
     should EVER be moved to a Big 7 group because that would be
     bad.

     In other words, ignore him.

7) Is Tim mean-spirited and vicious?

     Yes, but that's normal for USENET and the alt. net.

8) Are ASCII art pictures (e.g. those drawings of Ren and Stimpy
you see in people's .sigs) the same thing as binary source files
of pornographic GIFs?

     According to Tim Pierce, they are.  Totally and completely.

9) Tim Pierce sounds like a real crank.

     Yep.