Date: Mon, 27 Dec 93 09:02:25 EST From: splinter@allink.com (tom cikoski) Subject: Monica The monica FAQ is not official, so I can't get one from MIT. I'm piecing one together via a telnet to delphi, so it might be garbled at some point. ---------------------------------------Note: This was posted some time during past summer. Some info might be outdated. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frequently Asked Questions for = Alt.Religion.Monica = & = Alt.Motd = If you have questions and/or answers that seems more appropriate for this FAQ or would like to improve an answer, please send a self addressed e-mail to Rachael H. Seung (hseung@salsa.seas.upenn.edu). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Table of Contents ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Who is Monica and what are the purpose of these newsgroups? 2. How is alt.religion.monica & alt.motd different from soc.culture.korean? 3. What is the motto of alt.religion.monica? 4. What is the motto of alt.motd? 5. What is "The Ten Commandments of Monica?" 6. What is "The Nine Suspicions of Monica?" 7. What is "The Twenty-One Reasons to Marry a Korean guy" by Monica? 8. Where is the essay called "Modernized Traditional Women" by Monica? 9. Where can I find the famous poem by Monica everyone is talking about? 10. Where can I find the famous painting by Monica everyone is bidding on? 11. What is the debut article by Monica on soc.culture.korean? 12. What is the farewell article by Monica on soc.culture.korean? 13. What is the dejavu article by Monica on soc.culture.korean? 14. What is the dejavu-farewell article by Monica on soc.culture.korean? 15. How do I make Monica-style kimchee? 16. Is there a ftp site that carries Monica GIFs? 17. How do I become the victim of on-line interrogation? 18. Does sisterhood exist? 19. Memorable Quotes by Monica. 20. Unresolved questions. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Who is Monica and what are the purpose of these newsgroups? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Monica Mi-Yeon Chung is the Venus of soc.culture.korean. In less than a month, Monica has become more famous and has more followers than Jesus, Buddha, Marx, and other net-gods combined. Even after her departure to convent, her thread and popularity has exponentially grown to the point where so-called "serious debates" have become virtually impossible. So far, there are three people confirming her existence, two claiming to have revealed the real person behind her mask, one semi-disgusted that he had to give up guitar group for her, one to offer psychoanalysis, and one who is staring at the phone 24 hours a day. alt.religion.monica & alt.motd ("Monica of the Day") are radically retro-postmodernistic newsgroups devoted to discussing morality and subliminal messages of Monica Chung, such as: - art of kimchee making - developing attachment to dogs - how to smile the Monica way - underground poems and essays by subscribers - locating bagel stores in Korea - parallel parking - how to kiss your modem good night - on-line interrogation, and much much more! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. How is alt.religion.monica & alt.motd different from soc.culture.korean? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- alt.religion.monica & alt.motd are newsgroups of and about Monica for our Monica. soc.culture.korean is for discussing serious issues about Korea and her culture. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. What is the motto of alt.religion.monica? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- = Alt.Religion.Monica = Luxury without fear. Fun without suspicion. Relax in a panic-free atmosphere! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. What is the motto of alt.motd? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- = Alt.Motd = Is Monica day a happy day? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. What is "The Ten Commandments of Monica?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Smiling at strangers. 2. Going on a group tour in Han-river. 3. Taking "reserve-seat-buses" which are for yuppies. 4. Visiting Ap Gu Jung Dong. 5. Criticizing the men who look like nerds: they are the popular ones in Korea. 6 Dating a waiter or anyone who is not a college grad. 7. Arguing with guys (this applies to Korean-American males also). 8. Thinking aloud why almost all the Korean (and Kr-Am) guys have intellectual complex (inferior and superior). 9. Asking a guy why he has to ask his mother first (also apply to Kr-Am). 10. Developing attachment to a dog. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. What is "The Nine Suspicions of Monica?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- (...with my own feelings regarding the matter). 1. Monica is a sister of Brian Chung. Highly likely, but Brian's sister is supposedly surviving in Seoul at the moment. 2. Monica is a younger sister of Theresa Chung. This is true! 3. Monica is a new sister to Rachael -- that's ME! Jiral YeopChaKhi HaGo ItNe... 4. Monica is Hyunsuk. Hyunsuk is a medical engineer (read: he has better things to do). 5. Monica is Rebecca's twin sister. Highly unlikely, since they have different surname; but then again Monica is an adoptee. 6. Monica is a real live person. This is also true! 7. Monica is a real live person and a female. This is truth! 8. Monica is a 6th generation computer rivaling HAL. HAL is not a bra-burning feminist. 9. Monica is peble. Most probable!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. What is "The Twenty-One Reasons to Marry a Korean guy" by Monica? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Twenty-One Reasons to Marry a Korean guy" (excerpt from Monica's latest bestseller book, THE MONICA) 1. he will fight for your freedom 2. he will eat anything 3. when his friends come over, you get to sit with them and drink 4. he will pierce his ear if you ask 5. he never says "there is no intellectual equal for me" 6. when his parents visit,they book themselves in a hotel 7. he never says "I could hit you...but will refrain" 8. he never gets drunk and sleeps in the street 9. he doesn't listen to Kenny G 10. he never eats fast nor stuffs himself 11. he never says "bring me a cup of water" 12. he doesn't call an electrician when changing light bulbs 13. he never says "see, that's why Koreans can't..." 14. he makes kimchee with you 15. he is hopelessly romantic 16. he likes your punk and gay friends 17. he will not shave his daughter's hair and lock her up 18. he always stops to ask for direction when lost 19. he has a different political view than his father 20. he never starts a sentence with "I used to be..." 21. he will not die early of heart attack, liver disease stomach cancer, lung cancer, high blood pressure, or diabetes. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8. Where is the essay called "Modernized Traditional Women" by Monica? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Modernized Traditional Women" (excerpt from Monica's latest bestseller book, THE MONICA) It is one thing to recognize the beauty in traditional asian women role but to demand this kind role to women of today is another story. Of course you don't want a woman to walk three steps behind you, You want 'modernized traditional women". What exactly do you mean by this? Do you mean a college educated woman who stays home by her own choice, who doesn't raise her voice infront of you but silently endures and supports you with strength of her 'mind', who is intelligent enough to read "Little Prince", yet not too intelligent to be a threat to you? If you talk to Korean grandmothers who went through usual suffering and sacrifice of her time, you will find that they do not revere their past with kind of sentiment you have. They wish that for once, they could yell at their husbands whom they sacrificed without much reward. They wish they had careers to fulfill their dreams besides the pulchritude and nobleness of homemaking and child rearing. If your statement, 'women who complain so much about male chauvinism are the ones who are not secure themselves" is correct, then I guess same goes for men who complain about career women. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9. Where can I find the famous poem by Monica everyone is talking about? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here is a personal copy obtained through underground e-mail. "kkeubung-i" kkeubung-i, kkeubung-i, where are you? in a full moon night, you used to hide behind the innocent tree, "they call me a son of the collaborator" and you wept so bitterly my heart was with you kkeubung-i, kkeubung-i, where are you? in your agony of sleepless night your face shyly buried between fragile shoulders "mom, mom, I am not a pseudointellectual, am I, mom?" and your handsome face glistened with tears my heart was with you kkeubung-i, kkeubung-i, where are you? in mist of autumnal wind your clinched hands holding the fate of the nation "I must go, I must go!" and your eyes soared high my heart was with you kkeubung-i, kkeubung-i, where are you? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. Where can I find the famous painting by Monica everyone is bidding on? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note: The following painting is not for auction. * * * * * * * * ****** * * **** * ****** * * * * * * * ************* * * * * * * * * ********* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ********************* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11. What is the debut article by Monica on soc.culture.korean? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Article 10590 of soc.culture.korean: From: mchung@waltz.seas.upenn.edu (Monica Mi-Yeon Chung) Newsgroups: soc.culture.korean Subject: Re: an article on Korean born adoptees Date: 4 Dec 92 08:34:58 GMT Distribution: na Organization: University of Pennsylvania shin@krusty.ee.udel.edu (Jeong-Gyun Shin) writes: >Netters (ladies?) who read McCalls magazine know it already. I was flipping >thru cookie recipes of December issue of McCalls magazine (don't ask why; >also, no, I don't subscribe nor read this magazine; my wife got one from a >friend), and there's an article about Korean born adoptees going to visit >Korea in order to try to find out little bit of their heritage, etc. Nothing >new, but gives some flashes on making tragedy. I guess you, or majority of Koreans think it as tragedy. I do admit that I wished my real parents were able to bring me up. But I am quite happy as I am. Yes, I've been adopted to an American family when I was 10, and only recently I changed my name to my original last name. It isn't such a tragedy if you think in terms of people who are involved although korean newspapers and media only produce the sad and ugly stories of such cases. I don't deny that such cases exist in large numbers, but there is also a case like me. The way Korean society is, it will be hard to change the stigma attached behind adoption. But it will change with time, I hope. Mi-Yeon ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12. What is the farewell article by Monica on soc.culture.korean? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Article 12634 of soc.culture.korean: From: mchung@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Monica Mi-Yeon Chung) Newsgroups: soc.culture.korean Subject: Farewell... Date: 24 Feb 93 05:03:09 GMT Organization: University of Pennsylvania Dear obba dl in sck You probably wondered why I posted so many articles these days. It's because I am leaving soon. Today is my last day as a normal free person. I have to go back to my convent where I spent more than nine years all together. I know you donUt believe any of this, but I feel compel to write it here because you have been one of my rare connection to the real world. Except my early childhood, I was in and out of the convent due to my parent's wish. I know my articles werenUt nun-like, thatUs because I am not a official nun yet. Becoming a nun is a long ordeal. I finally decided to be a nun about seven month ago and still have a year to go until the official ceremony. From now on I wouldn't be able to come out and live in the society aas I frequently did before time to time. So, here is my farewell to you, obba dl. I would like to apologize to Brian Chung for being accused of my obba from many people. Brian, I wish you are my obba who defends me in every corner. Andrew S.H. Kim, Thank you for all your romance:) You should delete all your middle names and just use Tannhauser. It fits you. I also like to thank Byuntae and Youngwhan Lee for tolerating me. JCHO obba, thank you for clarifying my existence. Also, Thank you , Kevin GIOR for sharing your Han Seuk Bong complex. I am eternally grateful to James Choi for believing in me. Thank you, all sck kkeubung-is :), you made my last visit to the world enjoyable. Thank you, obba dl and some ajeu-ci dl. Good bye everyone. Monica Mi-Yeon Chung P.S. I wouldn't be able to read any emails, so please just post in sck. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 13. What is the dejavu article by Monica on soc.culture.korean? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Article 13426 of soc.culture.korean: From: mchung@rahul.net (Monica Mi-Yeon Chung) Newsgroups: soc.culture.korean Subject: Hello Everyone!!! Date: 16 Mar 93 07:35:43 GMT Sender: daemon@cs.utexas.edu Organization: St. Francis Xavier Library/ Brington/MA Dear Kkeubung-is Hello, obba-dle, I am so glad to be back! How is everyone?!! It is pass midnight and everyone is asleep. The people doesn't like me here already. I am the only one who is under forty except this one nun and the kitchen helper, "Lily". It's a very small old convent with the nearest neighbor being ten miles away. I am not use to this kind of settings. All other convents I have been to were relatively modernized ones. But I get to go to the town every Friday morning with Father Joseph who visits here on weekend to run errands. Last Friday, we went to the library, and by chance I found the information on this unix site. Needless to say, I was jubilant. Nobody knows that I am using it though. Sister J spotted my modem and asked me what it was. I told her it's a machine that detects any virus in the computer. She just said, "virus? oh, that must be very useful." They were at first very against me having the computer in my room or any where in the convent and tried to take away from me but I just hanged on to it dearly and cried. After I typed up the weekly invoice for Sister J, nobody said anything anymore. This place is so backward. I am always grounded for unknown reasons. They make me scrub the floor. It's a concrete floor with rough surface and I am suppose to kneel down to clean it. After hours of this ordeal, my knees are swollen and painfully hurt. My only friend "Lily", the kitchen helper, brings me the steamed eucliptic towel for my knees. She has a sweet pudgy face with a short hair. I call her "artichoke." short hair. I call her "artichoke." So this is my life....you are my only connection to the outer world. How is it out there? Monica Mi-Yeon Chung ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 14. What is the dejavu-farewell article by Monica on soc.culture.korean? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Article 14014 of soc.culture.korean: From: mchung@rahul.net (Monica Mi-Yeon Chung) Newsgroups: soc.culture.korean Subject: Invitation Date: 25 Mar 93 22:15:23 GMT Sender: daemon@cs.utexas.edu Organization: St. Francis Xavier Library/ Brighton/MA Social Culture Korean is for healthy intelligent communication. Social Culture Korean is for healthy intelligent communication. I realize and repent that most of my articles don't fit in here. I sincerely apologize to everyone for being an irritant that just keep coming back. I also like to apologize to anyone who was offended by my articles. Therefore I retract my steps from sck to the playground some sympathetic souls provided. I am submitting my invitation. ~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you ever got caught stealing cartoon books? Have your brother toldyou that you are "some loathsome vermin fit only for extermination" ? Were you allergic to your mother's milk? Was your very first word," no" ? Does your sister pretend she doesnt know you when she is with her friends? Your parents moved two years ago and you are still searching for their address? Does your friends hush when you pass by? Have some stranger adviced you to let out hems of your jeans? Does your communist friend criticize your Georgio Armani suit? Did your therapist tell you to never come back? Your priest broke the vow of confession and told the police? I cordially invite all the Me!s to alt.religion.monica to be none the less than yourselves and selves to share the experience of hypereality, to regress to the comfort of fetal position, to unpretentiously wear black turtleneck, and to obsessively love each other. I humbly invite you to rest your whereful souls in peaceful a.r.m. Submissively yours, Monica ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 15. How do I make Monica-style kimchee? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The words speak for themselves... and Monica sez: "Most of the kimchee jars stored in refrigerator in stores are fresh due to prompt refrigeration after filling the jar. You need to keep the jar in room temperature for a day or two (depending on the room temperature and your taste) for it to ferment. Keep in mind that you should keep the lid slightly opened when leaving it out in room temperature because if you don't then kimchee-gookmul will shoot out on you when you open it a day or two later due to pressure created by carbon dioxide production during fermentation of kimchee. "Kimchee under refrigeration undergoes fermentation very slowly, so you need not worry about over-fermented kimchee when you are buying from the korean stores. Yah, I am sure Woody once bought a over-fermented kimchee from the store and he had to give it all to his cow or something... But normally, you would get a fresh jar and one must leave it out in room temperature. :)" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 16. Is there a ftp site that carries Monica GIFs? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- *CENSORED* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 17. How do I become the victim of on-line interrogation? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Mentioning netiquette. 2. Cross-posting to soc.culture.korean. 3. Talking about cows. 4. Dot forward hacking. 5. Harrasing Monica in private. 6. Claiming senseless ownership. Thus, our motto (see question 3). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 18. Does sisterhood exist? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- There has been unconfirmed reports that sisterhood exist among Monica, Rachael (aka Heja -- that's ME!), Rebecca, and Theresa. This is interesting not only because we have similar out-spoken attitude and dwell on similar topics but because we are both pretty and witty (well, at least for me, that is). Oh, how true! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 19. Memorable Quotes by Monica. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "...please don't flame me." "What did I do?" "a i moo seu wo......" "Good thing there was kimchi gook mul near by." "No wonder none of intelligent women ever post in this newsgroup. - that is, except myself." "When I grew little plump in my high school year, you are the one who bought those diet pills and made me exercise." "So, everyone, I am a little orphan girl." "I will be waiting, obba." "can we just get along? please?" "I am Monica Mi-Yeon Chung. I am Korean female. I am here." "I have a question that wakes me up middle of the night." "You will find out that, after all, Korean men are humans too." "Make peace not flames." "I am poor as a church mouse. [Lulu]" "Humbleness is the key to success." "I always walk three steps behind men but they get irritated and nervous." "Happiness chases after me" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20. Unresolved questions. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Where can I buy the book called THE MONICA? 2. What is the name of the boonshikjeom (fancy restaurant) in New York Monica is rumored to recite her poetry now and then? 3. Wherez ma' honey?! 4. Is she for real? 5. Does Rebecca dream of electric shrimp? -- Rachael Heja Seung * * Keep reading. hseung@salsa.seas.upenn.edu \|/ \|/ I'll be posting.