Path: utk.edu!news!newsfeed.usit.net!newsfeed.wirehub.nl!remarQ-uK!rQdQ!supernews.com!remarQ.com!remarQ69!not-for-mail From: David Pacheco Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Less than! Date: Sun, 12 Dec 1999 11:43:11 -0000 Organization: NO CARRIER Lines: 115 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 212.140.4.248 X-Trace: 944998990 LGTBT6QCL04F8D48CC uk26.supernews.com X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@remarq.com X-Newsreader: MicroPlanet Gravity v2.20.1575 Xref: utk.edu alt.religion.kibology:1944 Less than 19 days before a completely artificial numbering system rolls over, an act which may be artificially celebrated by some as to represent something which already artificially happened about four years ago, but some insist will only artificially happen next year! Less than 19 days before a whole bunch of people celebrate the 2000th anniversary of an event that happened in the year 1 BC! What did you think, that all of the people partying are doing so to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of their Lord and Saviour? Yes, that explains the extraordinary religious fervor that seems to be gripping everybody these days. Fortunately, I belong to a Kibology, a religion that is non-Y2K compliant, and comes with a certificate guarantee to that effect. ---------------------------------------------------------- DEAR NEW OWNER Congratulations on your purchase of Kibology, the religion that has no effects, side effects, or after effects! Only special effects and Doppler effects! We are sure that your enjoyment of Kibology will be enhanced by the knowledge that it has been certified NON-Y2K COMPLIANT by a bunch of people who probably thought they were really smart, but one of him left his keys once in the cafeteria! How smart is THAT? Because Kibology is non-compliant, we request that during the rollover period of Dec 31, 1999 until Jan 1, 1900, you transfer your religious beliefs to a different, Y2K- compliant religion. Please be aware that some religions require a period of meditation, fasting, or elaborate ceremonies before conversion is complete. Book early to avoid the rush! If you leave it until the last minute, all decent alternate religions may be full, and you may end up in one of those freakish minority fringe cults that believe their 'omnipotent' deity had a son in human form, who then had to be murdered so that everyone could get into their version of 'heaven'. If all religions are full on Dec 31, 1999, we recommend that for the 24-hour rollover period you experience a tremendous crisis of faith that shakes your kibological beliefs to their very foundations. This way you may avoid the more serious consequences of rolling over to 1900 with a non-compliant religion. In order to kick off this crisis of faith in an effective manner, please consider the following questions: - Can Kibo create a Pez dispenser so heavy that even he can't lift it? - If Kibo is all-knowing and all-seeing, how many fingers am I holding up? - What about the Incas, and the Mayas, who had no Usenet of their own? How could they have been converted to Kibology? - If there is life on other planets, are they Kibologists too? And if there isn't, what the hell is John_-_Winston going on about? - If the world was created 6,000 years ago, as Kibology maintains, how did human stupidity evolve so quickly? Was there a lot of inbreeding at the beginning? - If the KiBible is the word of Kibo, how come so much of it seems to come from news articles published from other sources? - If Kibo, why bees? - If Kibo is a wise and loving deity, why does he allow war, earthquakes, tornadoes and Jay Leno? Kibology contains NO FREE WILL, and can be taken by individuals on salt/nut/gluten-free diets. But not orally. Kibology is not to be taken internally, seriously, or in combination with a steady regime of breathing. Will cause skin rash. Read directions before use. For complete directions, please send $1,000 to: I BELIEVE EVERYTHING I SEE ON TV c/o that doctor guy on 'ER' Pont Nerd, La Belle Epoque #19 Whiltinghamshropgrosvenorshire KIBONIA-2544 Please include a SASE, and another $1,000 in case we spend the first one too quickly and forget, like, the rent or something. ---------------------------------------------------------- Less than 19 days before all the pedants' heads explode! -dp. English must be used exactly! There can be no confusion of terms! Excuse me, I need to go take my centipede out for a walk on his hundred legs, with my thousand girlfriends, all named Millie. Can you water my century plant for me?