Article: 11579 of alt.religion.kibology From: Hong Ooi Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.current-films,alt.religion.kibology,alt.cult-movies Subject: Re: "Being John Malkovich" is Amazing Date: Tue, 09 Nov 1999 00:53:09 +1100 HungrySoul wrote: >> It's interesting that it's not received more talk on Usenet. > >It's playing at very few theaters. I think it's one of those indie films >with hollywood budget production, fairly big advertising, but not enough >screens. > >Kibology, what is that ? It's sorta like Being John Malkovich on Usenet. More precisely, It is theorised that at the heart of the Milky Way there lurks a giant, unseen mass of Kibology. A true Kibologist would have said it was a giant H. 90 per cent of the Kibology in the universe is invisible. Rayleigh scattering makes Kibology blue. Surrounding every black hole is a zone of pure Kibology so dense that even light cannot escape. Speaking of which, every Kibologist knows that _Event Horizon_ sucked. Surrounding every crosspost is a zone of Kibology so dense that even intelligence cannot escape. Taking the square root of -Kibology will make the universe collapse into a single plutonium atom. ATOM. For every thread longer than ten posts, there exists a meme such that the thread will, with probability one, eventually contain the meme. That meme is Kibology. If all the matter in the universe were turned into pen and ink, it would not be enough to write Kibology down. The cardinality of Kibology is uncountable. The Travelling Kibologist problem is NP-complete. The Kibology that can be grokked is not the true Kibology. When the Seventh Seal is broken, then will come the last days; and the four horsemen of Kibology will ride over the world; and Kibo will ride a pale horse. If you say the name of He Who Greps three times, he'll divorce you. In the city of R'lyeh, Kibo sleeps a-dreaming. Kibo founded Kibology after Robert E. Heinlein bet him he couldn't start his own religion. Robert E. Heinlein founded Scientology after Kibo told him that Starship Troopers was "untidy. Too many notes." An ancient Vedic myth states that the universe rides on the backs of four elephants, standing on a giant turtle. That giant turtle is not Kibology. Kibology is self-similar, with a Hausdorff dimension of 1.618+. It's Kibologists all the way down. There is no Kibo but Kibo, and Matt "Longshot" McIrvin is his prophet. We're working on Sammy. The doctrine of Kibological Infallibility, first promulgated in the 13th century, states that Kibo can never make a mistake. All Kibologists worship and revere the holy trinity of Hello Kitty, Mentos and the Tounge of Frog. In addition, many Kibologists make sacrifices to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and the Church of the Subgenius. Usually baseball bats were involved. The only way to Kibo is through Kibo. The holy city of Kibology is Perth, Austria, city of the asterisk. Austrians are the most Kibological people on Earth. Kibology is heteroskedastic. <-- I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!! ASK ME!!!1 In the jungle, the Usenet jungle, the Kibo greps tonight. Stanley Kubrick was high on BSD and Kibology when he made _2001: A Space Odyssey_ and _Apocalypse Now_. So was Quentin Tarantino when he made _Pulp Fiction_ and _Trainspotters_. All Kibologists know that _The Blair Witch Project_ was REAL, all of it. Especially the giant man-eating hamsters from hell. A Kibologist believes that the fights in _Fight Club_ should have involved throwing cream pies at each other. Kibology is 20 bucks, same as in bed. On fire, the clown. You can't buy love, but you can sure as hell rent a lot of Kibology. Newsgroups come and go, but Kibology remains. Whoever fights Kibology should see to it that in the process he does not become a Kibologist. And when you look long into a newsgroup, the newsgroup also looks into you. The path of the Kibologist is beset on all sides by the inequities of the bozos and the tyranny of the megabozos. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the newbie through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. Sturgeon's Law states that 90 per cent of Kibology is crap. The Golden Age of Kibology lasted from January 1991 to September 1993, and so has never ended. A Kibologist once read something about engrams, but wasn't sure what it meant. It was funny though. A Kibologist once read something about Echelon, but wasn't sure what it meant. It was funny though. A Kibologist once recited something about the tale of Lee and the dread Message-ID from memory. It wasn't funny though. You can tell a true Kibologist by the colour of their pants (trick question). A Kibologist, faced with the Monty Hall puzzle, will always switch. Puzzles, that is. A Kibologist knows three common words ending in GRY and rhyming with orange, but won't tell anyone what they are. A Kibologist knows the answer to the Liar's Paradox. Would he lie? The secret Kibological password might or might not be one of Doidy, Futplex or Beable. The secret Kibological handshake might or might not involve one of Pez, Orbitz or Nougat. The Great Kibological Satan might or might not be one of Bob Hope, William Shatner or Archimedes Plutonium. A Kibologist would _never_ searchenginebomb the great Archimedes Plutonium. A Kibologist would never even _think_ of searchenginebombing the great Archimedes Plutonium. Alexander the Great sent a message to the Spartans, saying that if he defeated them, he would raze their city to the ground, kill all the men and enslave their women and children. Alexander the Great was a Kibologist. So were the Spartans. -- Hong Ooi | "Do you realize how damn long it takes to load hong.ooi@maths.anu.edu.au | background images in Lynx?" http://www.zip.com.au/~hong | -- KF Canberra, Australia |