Date: Mon, 19 Jan 2004 20:46:40 -0500
Subject: [ark] Re: Home Alone
Status: R

In alt.religion.kibology, asweinbe@midway.uchicago.edu (Plorkwort) wrote:

The moving finger of B. Chas Parisher wrote and then moved on:
>seal.  Not the chyx, the tuperware.
                          ^^^^^^^^^
                   IWPTA "tupleware"

[SCENE:  Ultra-modern kitchen with large white appliances, each with its
own microprocessor, touchscreen, wireless internet link, and web server.  
BETTY, in silver-and-white unisex shift covered by large paisley apron, is
obviously in distress over a database.  Her neighbor, JOANNE, in a
Courreges silver pantsuit, space helmet, and PVC boots ensemble, comes
through the door, her grin reflecting in the silvered surface of her
boots.  She carries a stack of TUPLEWARE containers.]

JOANNE:  All ready for the potluck?  Look what I've brought!

[JOANNE opens a container to show BETTY its data.  BETTY looks flustered
and runs a hand through her hair, which is disheveled and frizzy in
contrast to JOANNE's metallic blue bob.]

BETTY:  Oh dear!  I don't know /how/ you keep your data types so crisp and
fresh!  Mine get soggy after just a few days in the database.

JOANNE:  Are you always stuck in this kitchen and the twenty-first
century?  Haven't you heard about TUPLEWARE?  In this modern age of
science, TUPLEWARE is the best modern scientific marvel!

ANNOUNCER:  New! Improved! TUPLEWARE data containers keep your DBMS fresh
and secure!  Never worry about stale candidate key selection constraints!  
This revolutionary new material automatically normalizes, so you don't
even have to remember the difference between BCNF and 4NF!  Squeeze out
extra table padding, then seal with a snap, so you can store your
relational database for years.  TUPLEWARE: Better Data for Better Living!

Plorkwort
-- 
In top center of cabbage, cut a well and insert can of canned heat. Thrust 
ends of toothpicks into surface of Flaming Cabbage Head, above curled leaves.
Before eating, hold each frankfurter over flame in cabbage to reheat.
--"Marinated Cocktail Frankfurters." The General Foods Kitchens Cookbook, 1959