Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2001 05:08:53 -0400
Subject: Re: man in tights
Status: R

In alt.religion.kibology, kibo@world.std.com wrote:
(in response to a thread about spandex-clad sheep, IANMTU, go ahead,
Google for it, I'll wait...)

Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@Stanford.EDU) wrote:
>
>  James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote:
>  >
>  >  And you should see their uniforms.  Spandex over
>  >  crumpled aluminum foil over silicone over asbestos
>  >  over lycra over spandex over crumpled uranium foil.
>  
>  Do you want to know what the future will be like?  Imagine
>  a penny loafer, on fire, stepping on a human face.  Forever.

That's not what Dippin' Dots Inc. says the future will be like!
They say it will be a wonderful rainbow-colored world covered in ice
cream pellets.  In fact, by the year 2004, all food will be pelletized
for extra futureness!  White Castles will look like Cocoa Puffs only
smaller, and I'll have to spend a lot of time using tweezers to
remove all the orange cheez dots from amid the brown beef dots.

Also spandex will be sold in your choice of powder or aerosol form.
The latter will work like hairspray only if you accidentally get it
in your hair it will take forever to peel the little spandex heat-shrink
tube off every follicle.

And penny loafers will be fireproof.  And intelligent.  If they
detect anyone trying to set fire to them, they will explode,
emitting harmless neutrons that only hurt people, not socks.

This is why the future will not be horrible in the way you think.
It will just be horribly unexpected.  Which will make it unexpectedly
horrible.  But in any case it will have things other than burning
penny loafers stepping on your face.

In any case, you can make any bad product good by saying it's from
the future.  "Puréed fish:  The fish OF THE FUTURE!!! FUTURE!!! FUTURE!!!"

                             -- K.

                                I wonder if the Bata Shoe Museum
                                has any penny loafers from the future.

                                Bata is very futuristic.  They already
                                make plastic stormtrooper jackboots
                                in white to match your "Space: 1999" uniform.