Date: Wed, 22 May 2002 23:05:10 -0400
Subject: Re: The Balanced Dog by Stephen king
Status: R

In alt.religion.kibology, tdwillis@earthlink.net wrote (from rec.pets.dogs):

k9expert2000@yahoo.co.uk (Stephen King) wrote :
> This is what centered, rational, Real World Training is about.

  Imaginary World training involves the square root of -1. And bees.

> We are all reluctant warriors.  No one ever wants to correct a dog

  for making simple spelling and grammar errors

> however,

> we don't want them dead under the tyres of a car either do we?

  Unless we are training zombie dogs, then it doesn't matter.

> These are the sacrifices we make for our dogs becuase we love 

  playing our little mindgames with them. Ceiling fans confuse

> them so much.  We don't want them to get hurt due to the lack of

  orange cones placed in strategic locations that interfere with the

> ability to make good choices in a world filled with peril.  No one

  can see the mind control rays the overlords emit. Even a robot

> loves dogs more than I.  And few have sacrificed so much for them.

  Years I saved for their college education.
 
 
> 
> THE BALANCED DOG:
> 
> In order to discuss what a balanced dog is and how to achieve it,

  it's important to know your background in acrobatics.

>  I think we must first discuss the definition of the word balance. 

  If you've ever juggled cats, you know what I'm talking about.

> By balance, I don't mean the dog's ability to walk a

  mile in my moccasins, play fetch retrieve with a

> fallen log or

  do that "ya-da-da-da-da-da" spinning plate thing as you

> stand on one leg while singing the "Star Spangled Banner";.

  as was so popular on the Ed Sullivan show.

> When I refer to a balanced dog, I'm referring to a state of mind,

  not unlike that produced by Prozac-flavored Pez,

>  a quality that if absent, will produce extreme behaviors on one 

  late night talk-show or another. Leno and Letterman are examples   

> of the two opposing ends of the spectrum. Balance is a state of 

  soft-landing the moon so as to make a _little_ splash. The

> mental stability characterized by the cancellation of every force

  results in the plutonium atom in your brane being displaced

>  by an equal and opposing force. A balanced dog is a dog that 

  can do the spinny-plate thing WIHTOUT the music. He

> possesses emotional equilibrium and does not worry about his 

  bank account, his 401K or his portfolio. Just his stupid

> owner over-correcting him. At the same time, the dog does not 

  really care that much about economics, so long as he can

> go through life thinking he can get away with anything he wants 

  in the business world. None of that government interference,

> either. He is a dog who thinks instead of reacting, waits to see

  which way the market is gonna go, and invests wisely

>  instead of running and stands confident instead of hiding. The

  know-it-alls on Wall Street Week in Review are clueless; the

>  importance of having a balanced can not be over stated. To be

  frank, most dogs have secret swiss bank accounts, and

>  balanced means to be accountable, confident, relaxed and

  keep two sets of books. If you don't get caught, you don't get

>  disciplined. A dog without these qualities has little chance of

  succeeding in today's economy. Financial security is required for

>  experiencing true freedom in life.
> 

<snip the rest; it just goes on and on>