Date: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 19:46:51 -0400 Subject: Re: Myths. Excuses. How potential sex partners get tested together before having sex. In alt.religion.kibology, swt2@cox.net wrote: "Beable van Polasm" wrote in message news:eey8vfgsym.fsf@dingo.beable.com... > Don Saklad writes: > > > > How potential sex partners get tested together before having sex. > > > > What are the myths?... > > What are the excuses heard on asking a potential sex partner... > > Let's get tested together now before having sex. > > But Don, I don't WANT to have sex with you. [ The scene: A BOSTON city street. Busy people walk by. DON and LINDA enter. ] DON: We just have to get tested, that's all. What's to be scared of? All they have to do is take a little teeny tiny blood sample. It's just a little prick, and it'll be over before you know it. LINDA: Huh. Sounds like my LAST boyfriend. DON: But Linda, stamping out STDs is important! Uninformed Carnal Congress is the Opposite of Progress! Anyway, how can you be sure you're disease-free? LINDA: I'm positive! DON: What? How did you get it? LINDA: I don't know - DON: Third base! [pause] DON: Linda, just tell me, are you sexually active? LINDA: No, I just lie there. DON: Come on, Linda, really! We should go to the free clinic! LINDA: The free clinic? No way! I've heard they're staffed with quack doctors! Doctors that got kicked out of REAL hospitals. DON [to a passerby]: Hey, Mister! How do you get to the free clinic? MAN: Malpractice, malpractice, malpractice! DON: But I really need to get there! It's a matter of life and death...and sex! MAN: Sorry, can't help you pal. But don't take it so hard. The best planned lays of mice and men do often go astray. [He continues on his way] LINDA: So what is it with you and this testing? Does it really mean that much to you? DON: Oh, it does! I guess I just can't explain it, Linda. [pause] Maybe I can't explain it...but I can SING it! DON: If you're feeling sort of shy Around that certain girl - or guy - Here is how to let them know you're interested. Just say, "Come on, honey bun - let's go get tested!" You don't have to kiss and tell And they won't ask you to dwell On what fluids you have soaked up or ingested So come on, sugar pie - let's go get tested! [ Linda tosses her curly hair, unimpressed ] DON [singing]: It is so hard to be sure If your body still is pure Once you've been seduced, deflowered, or molested So come on, Linda - let's both go get tested! It's just so hard to know After lovers come and go If your bloodstream has become cootie-infested So come on, pumpkin - let's both go get tested! [ Linda and Don join hands, gaze into each other's eyes, and sing ] BOTH: Let's not think of spirochetes As we dance betwixt the sheets Our outlook will be peachy We won't die of syph like Nietzsche! We'll have a post-coital nap Without thinking of the claaaaaaap! So come on, sweetie pie - let's go get tested! [ They skip offstage ] -- ,, If I gave my heart...to you \ / W () I'd have none and you'd...have two (oo) |->< swt {http://members.cox.net/swt2/ark/Ark.html} """" | )(\ DID STEPHEN WILL TANNER EAT THE BANANA OF NOT BEING HERE?!?