Date: Tue, 5 Apr 2005 20:06:32 -0400
Subject: Re: The Pope and the Silver Mallet
Status: RO

In alt.religion.kibology, kibo@world.std.com wrote:
"Talysman  the Ur-Beatle" (talysman@gmail.com) wrote:
>
>  [...]
>  
>  back in highschool, I and my friends composed a completely insane
>  parody of this song with pretty much random words. it was called
>  "Grizzly Bear's Living Torso".
>  
>  I remember "here comes grizzly bear/exploding in his underwear/falling
>  to the ground/watch out as his bodily parts fly by/oh my my" but not a
>  whole lot else.

Dear Talysman Two-Space The Urb-Eatle,

Just for you, I'll write the rest of the whole story.

                    SPOT AND GRIZZLY BEAR'S LIVING TORSO

                            by James "Kibo" Parry

                suggested by a song lyric vaguely remembered
                          by somebody other than me


    "Waah!" cried Spot.  "My pet grizzly bear exploded all over my
    apartment, in his underwear!"  Spot peeled a piece of bear underwear
    off a sateen dinette chair and used an iced tea spoon to fish lumps
    of bear brain out of his bowl of peanut-not-brain M&Ms.

    But somehow, Grizzly Bear's torso yet lived!  "Rrrr!" said the
    headless, mouthless torso silently as it slowly tipped over,
    crushing Spot's model train set.  Spot threw a clear plastic tarp
    over the bloody torso so he wouldn't have to look at it while he
    tried to think of a better way to avoid looking at it.

    Under the tarp, the torso slowly suffocated and almost died, except
    that there was a pinhole leak that allowed the torso the tiny amount
    of air required to keep a severed bear torso alive in a dog's apartment.
    Spot forgot all about the part of the bear that was living in agony,
    and even forgot about the parts that were already dead permanently
    stuck to the middle of his original Picasso painting.

    After several weeks, Spot ordered a replacement pet from Amazon.com.
    The new bear arrived in a battered box with a swoosh printed on it.
    He was much smaller than Spot's old bear, and one of his eyes appeared
    to have been plucked out and replaced with a raincoat button.  Plus
    he was hardly housebroken.  Spot would have flushed him, but he
    was too big and still had most of his teeth, so Spot put him in his
    refrigerator and wrote "MAKESHIFT BEAR CAGE" on it with a Sharpie.

    Now Spot had one bear he though was dead but wasn't, and another
    bear that was just disappointingly defective.  He decided the
    easiest solution was just to move out.  But he couldn't because
    he wasn't smart enough to open a door.  Poor Spot!


                                   THE END


                                                    -- K.

                                                       If this story wins
                                                       a Pulitzer Prize,
                                                       I will eat a pound
                                                       of rusty nails to
                                                       show my amazement.