Date: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 22:47:21 -0400
Subject: [ark] Re: not bitter
Status: RO

In alt.religion.kibology, kibo@world.std.com wrote:

Theresa Willis (tdwillis@earthlink.net) wrote:
>
>  Glenn Knickerbocker (NotR@bestweb.net) wrote:
>  >
>  >  Jesus, what is about this week that has us all in such a bitchy mood?
>  
>  The fear that when Kibo dies, he won't get a state funeral like that
>  other guy we've had to listen about all week.




                           THE! SPECIAL! SHOW!
                                presents:
            THE! SPECIAL! TOPICAL! POLITICAL! SATIRE! SHOW!

          -- NOT AN ACTUAL EPISODE OF THE! SPECIAL! SHOW! --
            (but still suitable for forced viewing by the
               same audience under the same conditions)



             Hey kids!  Put on your straitjackets because
            it's time to be therapeutically traumatized by
                SPECIAL! TOPICAL! POLITICAL!  SATIRE!



          DISCLAIMER:  The character of Ugly Fatass does not
              represent any President, living or dead.



    (FADE IN.  INTERIOR CAPITOL ROTUNDA.  A red, white, and blue coffin
    is lying in state.  It is open, but all we can see of the face-down
    corpse is a big butt sticking out.)

            WIDOWED FIRST LADY FATASS
            Waah!  President Ugly Fatass is dead!

            RONALD REAGAN
            (entering)
            Hello, I'm not Ugly Fatass.
  
    (CURTAIN.)

            DAN RATHER
            And you see, according to this pie chart,
            31% of Americans who are likely to vote if
            the election is held tomorrow believe that
            that sketch represented --

            KIBO
            No it didn't.

            DAN RATHER
            Yes it did.

            KIBO
            Nuh-uh.  I wrote this entire episode of "THE! SPECIAL!
            TOPICAL! POLITICAL! SATIRE! SHOW!" and I guarantee
            you it is 100% pointless so as not to disturb the
            mental patients in the audience.

            DAN RATHER
            But it must have SOME meaning.

            KIBO
            Screw you, I don't have to put up with this.
            I'm changing the channel.

    (KIBO reaches out of the screen of your TV and turns the
    primitive channel-changing knob your TV has.  Unfortunately,
    every channel is showing the same program.)

            KIBO
            Dammit, I'm on every channel!

            DAN RATHER
            (now played by JON STEWART)
            But thank you for changing the channel to
            Comedy Central.

            KIBO
            Oh, shut up or I'll go one further to the
            Game Show Network and you'll be Gene Rayburn.

            GENE RAYBURN
            (entering)
            Hi, I'm your next-door neighbor.  I came over
            to find out why nobody was watching me.

            DAN RATHER
            (played by JON STEWART)
            Are you the real Gene Rayburn, or are you
            Gene Rayburn played by Dan Rather with a
            scarier face?

            KIBO
            Both of you shut up, or I'm going to turn this
            show off and we can all shrink down to a tiny
            white dot at the center of the screen until
            the people watching us go blind from the
            concentrated radiation.

            RONALD REAGAN
            (entering)
            Hello, remember me?  I'm still not dead.

    (REAGAN DIES.)

            RONALD REAGAN
            (dead)
            I'm dead now.  Don't smoke.

    (The WIDOW FATASS enters, wheeling her husband's coffin in.)

            WIDOWED FIRST LADY FATASS
            Well, I guess we won't be needing this now.

    (She dumps PRESIDENT UGLY FATASS's corpse out of the
    coffin and puts RONALD REAGAN's corpse into it.  Then
    she closes it up and nails the lid shut.)

            RONALD REAGAN
            (very muffled)
            Remember, I'm dead.

            GENE RAYBURN
            Whereas I am not.

            KIBO
            Hooray!  Gene Rayburn lives!

            DAN RATHER
            (played by JON STEWART)
            Everybody boogie!

    (Everyone climbs on top of the coffin and begins doing
    "The Twist".  A huge wave sweeps through and carries
    off the coffin while the partiers ride it like a surfboard.
    They disappear into the sunset.  FADE OUT.)


  
        DISCLAIMER:  This episode about President Ugly Fatass
      is not intended as an indictment of the homosexual world.
        It is set in one small segment of that world which is
            not meant to be representational of the whole.



                                               -- K.

                                                  I think Cookie Monster
                                                  was in this episode, too.