Date: Thu, 13 May 1999 04:00:52 -0400 Subject: Re: Sony gives the world a robotic dog Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Status: R Kibo writes: In ten newsgroups (clari.world.asia.japan, clari.tw.electronics, clari.tw.computers.misc, clari.tw.top, clari.tw.new_media, clari.world, clari.world.asia+oceania, clari.tw, clari.biz.front_page, *and* clari.news.photos), because it was so important, "AFP / Kiriko Nishiyama" (C-afp@clari.net) wrote: > TOKYO, May 11 (AFP) - Sony Corp. Tuesday unveiled its first > litter of robotic dogs that can play, bark, talk and even develop > their own personalities, but cannot die. That's because when you buy them THEY'RE ALREADY DEAD!!! I just hope they don't have a stupid name. > The gleaming metallic puppy-sized robot is named AIBO, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! > the Japanese word for partner. The first two letters of the name also > refer to "artificial intelligence." And the last three letters of the name refer to a lawsuit. > The AIBO acts much like a puppy, although it cannot move as fast > and does not urinate on lamp posts. To prevent constant urination, Aibo must be surrounded by lamp posts. If you don't have lots of lamp posts, Aibo will piddle all over your house, and in no time at all you'll be so terrified of Aibo's constant flood of robot urine that you'll develop Aibophobia. And then you'll develop it again. Backwards. (That was a callback to 1990. I would do a ten-year callback but I don't think the good people on alt.religion.kibology would get references to ACM:CB. I said the *good* people.) > It has 18 types of movement allowing it to play ball, crouch as > if urinating, and to move its head, body and all its legs in > coordination depending on its action or mood. WHEN IT IS HAPPY IT URINATES, WHEN IT IS SAD IT MOVES ITS BODY BUT NOT ITS HEAD OR ITS LEGS. AIBO IS PERFECT. AIBO IS PERFECT. > The dog likewise reacts to petting, stroking and punishment, > either by sulking or playing with a ball of its favourite colour. ERROR! ERROR! DOES NOT COMPUTE! ROBOTS DO NOT HAVE FAVORITE COLORS! DANGER! DANGER! IT IS NOT A ROBOT! DESTROY! DESTROY! > They go on sale over the Internet for a hefty 250,000 yen (2,500 > dollars) each from June 1. Sony says it hopes to sell 3,000 in Japan > and 2,000 in the United States. Ha! And we all thought that Japanese executives thought Americans were stupid. Well, Sony just insinuated that American consumers are only 2/3 as dumb as Japanese consumers. > Among the myriad of commands and reactions already installed, > Sony's "staff debated whether to create something called a death > function," said general manager Tadashi Otsuki. MARTIN LANDAU: Helena, while Computer is off-line, I'll have to risk computing our trajectory with this manually-operated calculator. BARBARA BAIN: John, don't touch it -- COSINE COULD BE THE DEATH FUNCTION!!! MARTIN LANDAU: Yaaaaaaaauuuuuuggggghhhh! Grunt! Harrrrrrrrrghhh! Fnoor!!! BARBARA BAIN: John! Stop adjusting your shorts and do something! MARTIN LANDAU: Oh no! MY SHOES ARE UNTIED! UUNNNNNNTIIIIEEEEEEEEEED!!!!! GHARRRRRRRRRRR!!!! RRRROWWWWRRRRRR!!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BARBARA BAIN: I see. > But Sony decided death was not required, instead allowing owners > to simply restart their pets with a fresh programme. I programmed my robotic dog to bite the guy who delivers the electronic mail. > "It is technically impossible to replace real animals with > robots," said Otsuki. "In a sense, it would be a profanity to God." And God has sensitive ears! > The dog comes with an array of sensors -- a colour > closed-circuit camera, heat sensors, infra-red range finder, touch > sensors, acceleration and speed sensors and a stereo microphone. > "The last 10 years of the 20th century were dominated by > personal computers and the Internet," said Sony vice president > Toshitada Doi, showing off the new pet, which stands 27 centimetres > (11 inches) tall. > "For the next 10 years until 2010, we are certain that robots > with independent movement will be the big thing," he added. And then for the next ten years, paper money that flies around the room constantly while biting people will be the one and only popular thing, and then for the next ten years it'll be inflatable water that boils at thirty-six degrees C and explodes at thirty-one degrees F, and during the next ten years the only thing anyone will be allowed to like will be individually wrapped pre-used diapers to save you the trouble. > Accepting most of its commands via a remote control, AIBO also > barks, talks and even sings in English or Japanese. It's hard to tell which, of course. > Owners can also train their dogs via a programme on a computer > screen. I showed my robotic dog some alt.religion.kibology articles and he said, "I wish I could die." But he couldn't, so I had the last laugh. > And future AIBO generations are being developed to respond to > their masters' verbal commands, and maybe even to play soccer, > according to Doi. Nothing is more fun than watching a $2,500 robotic dog playing soccer. Except maybe the idea that I could sell people robotic dogs for $2,500 even though this year's model can't even play soccer! IF IT CAN'T PLAY SOCCER THAN WHAT GOOD IS THIS ROBOTIC DOG? > For now, an AIBO owner can praise his dog by touching its head > for more than two seconds. One shove to the head is interpreted as > punishment and can immediately depress the artificial canine. And if you shove the dog for three seconds it means you're punishing him by praising him too much. > Expressions of joy or sorrow are helped by 18 joint motors in > the mouth, tail and head. That brings a smile to the joints in my mouth. > At the news conference demonstration, AIBO rose from a table > after being patted on the head. THE UNDEAD DOG FLEW AROUND THE ROOM!!! (Insert brief stock footage of Flaming Carrot chasing the flying dog-corpse as it ruins little Timmy's brithday party by sticking its icky paws in his birthday cake.) > It waved its front paw -- a greeting in AIBO language -- and > then stepped forward to catch a pink ball which the dog tracked with > a colour camera installed in its nose. Why couldn't they put the camera in its eyes? Because the smell organs are there, DUH-UH! > Sony says it will take orders from June 1 at the Internet > address http://www.world.sony.com/robot/ Okay, I'm going to go there now and mine it for funny sentences to point at: -> The pause button on AIBO's chest is used to stop AIBO in any emergencies, THANK YOU, GOOD MONSTER GAMERA! THAT TINY ROBOTIC DOG WOULD HAVE DESTROYED TOKYO IF YOU HADN'T PUSHED ITS PAUSE BUTTON! TRULY YOU ARE FRIEND TO ALL CHILDREN AND STOPPER OF ROBOT DOGS! -> This software is for creating and editing AIBO's operation data (motion -> data). With this, you are the master of AIBO's motions and can make -> original performances only your AIBO may know! Hundreds of Japanese men are at this very moment inventing perverse new forms of interactive erotic fiction beyond my capacity to imagine. -> Does AIBO bark? -> Yes, AIBO barks! But AIBO is multi-talented, and can sing little -> robotic melodies, as well as make lots of different kinds of -> sound effects. You'll have fun just listening to AIBO! Oh, joy, if there's one thing I like more than a melody, it's a robotic melody. You know, like DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE and DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA. And the only thing better than a robotic melody is a little robotic melody, like DEE-DEE-DEE or DA-DA-DA. And hey, it makes LOTS OF DIFFERENT KINDS of sound effects to. You'll wake up to your dog making fingernails-on-a-blackboard noises through its mouth- mounted stereo amplifier as it sits on your chest, and if that's not enough, you'll also enjoy the sound of your dog constantly making the sound of a crying baby on a Boeing 747 through its rectal speaker. Sound effects are fun! I won't even mention that Sony's site also includes a screen-saver depicting Aibo sky-diving, and the dreaded "Aibo Alert" sounds for your computer (WOW IT'S AMAZING THAT MY COMPUTER CAN SOUND JUST LIKE A ROBOT DOG!!!!) or the photo gallery, which includes such photos as "Fairly Tale" where Aibo is cavorting in a field of red poppies. Incidentally, Aibo looks just like the Imperial Walkers from "The Empire Strikes Back" only wearing sunglasses that make him look more evil. -- K. I will buy one when the price drops to $2.98. And when they add a Death Function. With a pushbutton for it. On the outside of the package.