Date: Mon, 7 May 2001 22:29:56 -0400
Subject: Re: Durian, Durian
Status: R

In alt.religion.kibology, Kibo wrote:

David DeLaney (dbd@gatekeeper.vic.com) wrote:
>
>  James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote:
>  >
>  >  LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY OF SEGUE: 0.97, PLUS EXTRA AGGRAVATION POINTS BECAUSE
>  >  THE MISSING LINK IS BARBARA BAIN.
>  
>  Um... "goodbye", says Anne Robinson?

Now, that would be a funny show, if that Robinson dominatrix-wannabe
yelled "You ARE the MISSING LINK!" at Barbara Bain and then they took
her offstage where scientists removed half of her DNA to turn her into
a cavewoman like in that "Space: 1999" episode where a weird smell
turns them all into cavepeople so we get to see her with carefully-
disheveled black hair instead of epoxied blond hair and then someone
hits Martin Landau over the head with a rock and she sees it and says,
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
as the camera does a zowie zoom on her face, filling the screen with her
terrifying cavewoman nose job.  

Note that that is a real episode, but it is not to be confused with
the episode "Missing Link", in which Peter Cushing in "Goldfinger"
makeup (and a long lavender wig) kidnaps Martin Landau to study the
effects of serving him a tray with white wine and a baloney sandwich
on a version of the "Space: 1999" set with more curtains.

Did I mention I've started writing a "Space: 1999" episode guide in
the style of my "Time Tunnel" one, only much longer and with more pictures?

However, I will destroy all my work if anyone attempst to do an
episode guide for "The Weakest Link".

>  >  Barbara Bain helps Kibo be surreal to make the Jewish
>  >  Richie Petrie cry.
>  
>  Dave "as millions of horny fanboys suddenly find their Usenet browsers
>   bringing up this particular post again and again and again with NO LINK TO
>   CLICK ON!!! Because Anne Robinson + Barbara Bain - Richie Petrie = Marina
>   Sirtis! I think, if I carried the twos right" DeLaney

Wasn't Anne Robinson in that episode where Martin Landau is kidnapped
on the planet of the whip-wielding leatherwomen?

Also, the "Durian, Durian" title of this article has nothing to do
with the episode "Mission Of The Darians", in which a cannibalistic
Joan Collins (in a lavender wig) kidnaps Martin Landau, but then
he escapes, and someone asks him whether he would eat his crew if
things got really bad on Moonbase Alpha, and he DOESN'T SAY!!!
"Mission Of The Darians" is not to be confused with "The Dorcons",
perhaps the episode with the dorkiest title, which is not to be
confused with the episode "Dorzak", which was different because it
had a Z and a K.

                                      -- K.

                                         Fun fact:  One episode featured
                                         a future "Saturday Night Live"
                                         cast member as the love interest.

                                         It was the one where the Moon,
                                         for some reason, was headed
                                         towards a revolving heat lamp
                                         that made loud grinding noises.