Article 104980 of alt.religion.kibology: From: elibalin@panix.com (Eli M. Balin) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Resolutions for 1996 Date: 29 Dec 1995 18:38:43 -0500 Organization: Tai Ching! Here's my list: -If I see a globe or similar geographical representation, I will not grab it and yell, "MINE! ALL MINE!" -I will stop growling. This time I really mean it. -I will finally accept that "Are you the Gatekeeper?" is not an acceptable conversational icebreaker. -I will no longer show people my slides of dead fish. -I will recognise the sovereignity of the Republic of Taiwan, and begin a normalisation of trade relations. Sponsorship of a seat on the Security Council will commence shortly thereafter. -I will not see a movie which has its very own website. -I will stop blaming myself for the time my (late) cat tried to kill LeVar Burton. -I will not attempt to commandeer elevators and hot-dog carts in the name of National Security. -I will stop trying to continue conversations I won't have for another two weeks. -During air travel, I will not say things like, "Stewardess! There's a man...on the wing!!" -I will finally get around to organizing myself alphabetically. This will start with my name, which shall become "Aab Ceii Llmnr." -"I WILL KILL HIM!!!!!!" -Sting -I will admit, once and for all, that I've never actually been to Oxford, and that no one there has, in fact, called me "mad". Yet. -- Eli M. Balin elibalin@panix.com "Dear Folks: I will assure you I don't know how I got in this group and you got in my group." - John Winston Article 104992 of alt.religion.kibology: Path: gaia.ns.utk.edu!cs.utk.edu!news.msfc.nasa.gov!newsfeed.internetmci.com!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!newsxfer.itd.umich.edu!news.eecs.umich.edu!panix!not-for-mail From: iayork@panix.com (Ian A. York) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Resolutions for 1996 Date: 29 Dec 1995 13:34:30 -0500 Organization: Panix Lines: 56 Message-ID: <4c1cbm$q4v@panix.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: panix.com Here we are, at the end of one year and the bright beginning of another. At this time, it's traditional for people to think over their past year, to recognize their flaws and weaknesses, and resolve to do better in the coming year. It's also often useful, they say, to publicize these resolutions so that others know of them; one can get tacit support from them, perhaps, or simply knowing that one is being watched may strengthen one's resolve. Accordingly, here are my resolutions for 1996. In 1996, I WILL NOT: o sing romantic duets, in Spanish, with my cat. o overthrow any legitimate governments. o bury Kibo in a shallow grave. o evolve flippers. It's just a fad. o write incidental music for Dante's Divine Comedy, scored for accordian and light artillery. o teleport my pants into another dimension during job interviews. o make.money.fast. o calculate the number of hydrogen atoms in Sandra Bullock's left arm, unless paid to do so. o use the phrase "fiduciary constraints" solely for comic effect. o retrofit a typewriter into a medieval siege weapon, unless I have more than three pianos available. o stick "You Are Here" arrows on my forehead. o summon demons. You can't get the virgins any more. o cure cancer. o write a book entitled "The Complete Dummy's Guide to the 'd' Key." o turn green with envy, red with rage, white with shock, or mauvy-purple with the sensation of having exact change for the subway. o try to be funny on alt.religion.kibology. o leap from branch to branch of a giant oak tree. o convert mass from rubles to francs, except with the assistance of a licensed dealer. o have the Canadian Constitution tattooed on my intimate areas. o invade Panama with an army of ten million Joe Bay clones in footy pajama uniforms. o use my life's savings to corner the zinc market in the hope of subverting the world economy. o dye the Black Sea red. To show that I'm not merely a negative guy, I also have positive resolutions. In 1996, I WILL: o floss. Thank you. Ian -- Ian York (iayork@panix.com) Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, 44 Binney St., Boston MA 02115 Phone (617)-632-3921 Fax (617)-632-2627 Article 105640 of alt.religion.kibology: Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.usenet.tjames Path: gaia.ns.utk.edu!cs.utk.edu!news.msfc.nasa.gov!newsfeed.internetmci.com!howland.reston.ans.net!ix.netcom.com!netcom.com!tjames From: tjames@netcom.com (Tjames Madison) Subject: Re: Resolutions for 1996 Message-ID: Organization: Terrordrone Research Laboratories X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL1] References: <4c1cbm$q4v@panix.com> Date: Sun, 7 Jan 1996 16:00:08 GMT Lines: 22 Sender: tjames@netcom18.netcom.com RESOLUTIONS 1. POST 500 MESSAGES A DAY FROM JANUARY 1-7 UNTIL PEOPLE GET SO SICK OF SEEING ME THAT THEY PUT ME IN THEIR KILLFILE BUT LIKE THERE'S A SPECIAL PSIOP DISINFO CODE EMBEDDED IN THE TEXT THAT MAKES PEOPLE FORGET THEY PUT ME IN THEIR KILLFILE AND THEN THEY GO TO CLEAN OUT THEIR KILLFILES AND SAY "HEY, WHAT IS TJAMES DOING IN THERE?" SO THEY TAKE ME OUT AND HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME FOREVER!!! ALSO ALL THESE MESSAGES ARE IN CAPS. 2. Confuse Germans! 3. Figure out a way to convert Nutella into GREENBACKS! 4. Go back in time and post this on the 1st, and also get in that sure money bet on the Clippers. -- ALT.USENET.TJAMES =======------> http://www.arlington.com/~tjames/tjames.html "You know what I like about you? NOTHING!" - Bobby Hodad TJAMES MUST BE CHANGED TO AN ALAN HALE-LIKE DIET TO BECOME A REBORN GILLIGAN! "RoR-Alucard" means Hello, "RoR-Alucard" means Goodbye