Article 31882 of alt.fan.warlord: Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers,alt.destroy.microsoft,alt.ascii-art,alt.fan.warlord,alt.artcom,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Warning: Kibo's new .signature to be released. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Date: Sun, 8 Dec 1996 04:46:21 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3671 centons, 79 microns, .01 hectars Reply-To: someone-other-than-kibo@world.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Kibo-Machine: Vannevar Bush's Memex & Gene Roddenberry's Memorator All existing copies of Kibo's .signatures are being recalled and recycled into post-consumer by-products. My old ASCII and PostScript .signatures are obsolete. I have gone Golden Master on the footprint of the form factor of DR1 pre-alpha seeding of DOT SIGNATURE 96, "CHICAGOPLAND". Once the final user installation issues and on-line documentation pass my Software QA's Zero Defects standard to become ISO compliant, it will become available to end users. It is in 100% native code and is Milspec (this means you cannot export it.) It is more than a .signature. It is an entire operating system designed around the principle that all computer users are more productive if they view my .sig constantly. It requires a 39-dot monitor, a 39-dot FQDN with 256-bit bandwidth over a multi-homing intranet AND IT EATS FLESH. It is too large to attach here (it's gotten three times bigger since the last edition I've shown people), but the release schedule is proceeding and you should see it in alt.religion.kibology in a few short days. Please do not leak the information disclosed here to my loyal minions in alt.religion.kibology. I have told the serfs what to expect and they are awaiting. You will merely cause panic and confusion by posting true information. Do not disrupt my carefully controlled pattern of hype or YOU WILL BE PUT IN A BOX WITH BILL GATES AND SHAKEN. This is the most important .signature ever posted to Usenet and it will redefine the nature of communication. This .sig make me rich! Unfortunately, cultural norms prohibit me from attaching it to every one of my posts, but this will change over time. Thanks to my .sig, humanity will evolve larger eyeballs, and gigantic .sigs will look as short as a knock-knock joke. -- K. "Who's there?" "A big fat .signature!" "Wow! We love you, .signature! Here, have some money!" Article 31893 of alt.fan.warlord: Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers,alt.fan.warlord,alt.ascii-art,alt.fan.mike-jittlov Path: utk.edu!cs.utk.edu!stc06.ctd.ornl.gov!news.he.net!www.nntp.primenet.com!nntp.primenet.com!mindspring!uunet!in2.uu.net!uucp4.uu.net!world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: A polite request. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: Date: Tue, 10 Dec 1996 07:36:50 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3671 centons, 79 microns, .01 hectars Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0a016.std.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Organization: welcome datacomp X-Kibo-Machine: Vannevar Bush's Memex & Gene Roddenberry's Memorator X-Newsreader: Yet Another NewsWatcher 2.3.5 Lines: 28 Xref: utk.edu alt.folklore.computers:139343 alt.fan.warlord:31893 alt.ascii-art:2408 alt.fan.mike-jittlov:8476 It has come to my attention that some people have fond memories of me posting my 1000-line .signature over and over to make everyone happy that Usenet's bandwidth was being utilized to its full potential. Please forget everything you knew about my 1000-line .signature. I am embarassed by its pathetic smallness. In a few days, you will see the world's first one-megabyte .signature. No two bytes alike! Not even the bits are alike! NOTHING IS ALIKE and NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME once you SEE MY .SIG! This .signature is so beautiful it will make you cry with joy so joyous it will be painful and the pain will be so intense it will make you giggle until you choke with a choking so intense it will make you faint into a coma so intense you will dance around the room while CLINICALLY DEAD!!! This .sig has not been tested on animals, because they all ran away. This .sig has not been aired on television, because it contains colors that cannot be transmited over television, like zurple, the ninth primary color that dissolves photons on contact. Anyway, please forget about my rinky-dink little Mickey Mouselet of a microscopic 1000-line .sig. Creating a 1000-line .sig was a stupid thing to do and a pathetic cry for attention, unlike my new super gigantic expialidocious .sigaroonie. I deserve a DOZEN NOBEL PRIZES! Now! --K. P.S. You can see it in alt.religion.kibology in a few days, IF YOU'RE A REAL MAN.