Date: Tue, 9 Dec 2003 22:49:23 -0500
Subject: Re: The TRUTH!
Status: R

In alt.religion.kibology, kibo@world.std.com wrote:

Beable van Polasm (beable+unsenet@beable.com.invalid) wrote:
>
>  I found this quote on the web:
>  -> 
>  ->  "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed,
>  ->  second it is violently opposed, and third, it is accepted as
>  ->  self-evident."  -- Arthur Schopenhauer, Philosopher, 1788-1860
>  
>  This is the ST00PIDEST idea I have ever encountered, and I am going to
>  PUNCH ANYBODY IN THE HEAD who agrees with it, although it's obviously
>  totally correct.

I prefer to think that the stages of Kibological Truth are this:

1.)  A scientist files a petition to form a hypothesis, which must be
     approved by 2/3 of all the scientists in the world who aren't insane.

2.)  The Doomsday Clock is moved one minute forwards or backwards, depending
     on whether the hypothesis should become a law.

3.)  If the hypothesis becomes a law, all the Nobel laureates and supermodels
     vote on whether that law should be called a theory or a theorem.

4.)  The theory or theorem is diagrammed by circle-intersectologists at
     The Venn Corporation.  If the resulting diagram does not get sued
     by MasterCard or the "Collective Bargaining" postage stamp from the
     mid-1970s, the Venn Diagram is published as a "Fold-In" on the back
     page of "Scientific American".

5.)  The Army keeps copies of "Scientific American" out of the hands
     of foreigners unless the theory or theorem is proven false.  If it
     is falsified, the defective magazines are then distributed to
     scientists in evil countries.

6.)  If the false theory or theorem is determined to have been wrongly
     declared false, the Doomsday Clock is reset to blinking "12:00"
     and all the scientists who aren't insane get hitsies on the
     Nobel laureates, unless any Nobel laureates are sane, in which
     case play passes to the player on the dealer's left, unless it's
     dark on Tuesday.

7.)  If it's dark on Tuesday, the bill becomes a law, but then the
     duck's beak becomes a bill.  Then Chico Marx asks, "Why a duck?"
     and none of the scientists laugh until Abbott & Costello begin
     doing their utterly hilarious "Who's On First?" routine.

8.)  Once it's determined who's on first, the results are written on
     a baseball which is then launched into the Sun to keep anyone
     from reading it.  All memory of the theory or theorem is erased
     from all scientists in the world, but not from Jack Webb.

9.)  Jack Webb, keeper of the theory, knows that he knows what he
     knows because, as he says, "Cogito, ergo sum-sa-sum-sum!"
     Then he sends all the hippies in the world to the same prison
     where all the mad scientists are kept.  If there isn't room
     for the hippies, the mad scientists are released.

10.) The mad scientists propose a completely different theory, which
     is obviously wrong, therefore the original theory must be right.
     Everyone celebrates by getting drunk and putting their head in
     the cyclotron.

                                 -- K.
 
                                    And that's why 99% of your tax dollars
                                    go to funding scientific research.