Date: Thu, 12 Dec 2002 01:03:53 -0500 Subject: Re: A MATTER OF GREAT ATTENTION Status: RO In alt.religion.kibology, dpacheco@iname.com wrote: ATTN: The President/Ceo From: Barrister David Pachekotu Soyu Wanna Beya Playa Law Firm Legal Practitioners Boston. Confidential Proposal/Investment Assistance. Greetings and love to you in the name of the most high God, from my beloved country of Boston. I am sorry and I solicit your permission into your privates. I am Barrister David Pachekotu, lawyer to Miriam "Kibo" Abacha, widow of the late ruler of Usenet, James "Kibo" Parry, King of Terror. My former client the late "Kibo" Parry has been missing from newsgroup alt.religion.kibology for several days now, and it is presumed that he died in posting accident in the year 1994 and his posts have been written in the between years by the same people who write "Garfield" for Jim Davis. The family is currently under investigation and undergoing prosecution in the hands of the present Bush dictatorship as a result of the mailing of seven calico cats to John Ashcroft by the late head of Usenet General James "Kibo" Parry, King of Terror. John Ashcroft as is known to you to believe that calico cats are representative of Satan in the backwards cult he belongs to: as you know, our country is still in Dark Ages in many respects. Before the presumed death of my client he had deposited US$32.75 in quarters with a secret security firm in two gym socks in my name, and I am the only authority to this fund which he was to transfer out of the city few days after he died in a nntp client crash. Along with the monies are several objects of unknown esteemed value, including an original recording of Mr. Rogers calling "Pee Wee" Herman a "fuckwad of the highest order", and a broken pool cue once used by Matt McIrvin in a bar fight. This fund was deposited with the security firm in my name because my client overcharged this money to the world.std.com company and he did not want anyone to know that he is associated with the fund in question not until the fund is successfully moved out of the city. The overcharge was occurred when a font that "Kibo" Parry designed malfunctioned so killing several webmasters for the company. The $32.75 expense was supposed to pay for "font insurance" to cover this very type of accidental death and dismemberment, but instead was diverted to the private coffers of my law firm. It is believed that the nntp crash that caused Mr. Parry's death was intentionally triggered by a positive meme ratio planted by world.std.com, as revenge and retribution for the deadly font accident. ISPs in Boston are dangerous places and not to be messed around with on under to. The security firm does not know the actual content of the gym socks, my client and I told them that the boxes contains pictures of Vice President Dick Cheney injecting pure crude oil into his eyeballs as part of hazing initiation rite by the Bush dictatorship. For now it is only you, I and Mrs. Mariam "Kibo" Abacha that is having knowledge of this treasure trove, and the only assistance I require from you is to help me spend this fund in either Toys'R'Us, KBToys or Victoria's Secret depending on our shop of agreement and possibly invest it abroad in candy. In addition, we may auction the pool cue on eBay for a large sum. This fund shall be disbursed accordingly as follows: $2.75 for the recipient (you) from the total sum(US$32.75). $2 for this man outside the office who thinks he has a cell phone but is really just talking to himself. $3 in quarters set aside from the entire sum for expenses incurred by both parties in due course of executing this transaction (bus tokens, phone calls, peep shows). The rest for me and the widow Parry. Maybe two bits for a newspaper. If you are not satisfied with the percentage sharing of the fund feel free to let me know, and I will make arrangements for you to agree with me. In compliance with this you are to immediately forward to me by mail the following: Your full names and address, confidential telephone and fax numbers, a snail with a little cowboy hat and a dozen red roses dipped in custard. Be warned that an advance fee will have to be paid to bribe the doorman at my apartment building so that he can look the other way when I am leaving because I am behind in my rent for many months, and this scam seems to be a good way to steal some money out of you stupid greedy Americans and oh shit no wait. Delete. Delete? Ma! Ma! How do you delete text in this thing? No, I already tried that. What delete key? I don't see it. No, I can't come down, can't you see I'm busy? Help me delete! Oh, you are big pain. No, I cannot call tech support because we did not buy this software, don't you remember? We burned a CD from Oglaga Nbuye's copy of MS Office. Duh, yes, that is stealing. What do you think I am doing with the word typer software? Ma, Bill Gates has enough money. He doesn't need ours. Yes, I know stealing is wrong, Ma. No. No! Listen, are you going to help me or not? Well, you didn't think it was stealing when you took my pocket money for cigarettes, you stupid stealing woman. Nothing, Ma, I didn't say nothing. In a minute, dammit. I said in a minute! Soup can wait! I'm trying to get us rich here! With this information I will immediately commence all necessary documentation for a successful shipment of the first gym socks to your country of choice as all the modalities have already been worked out by me using a pen. Please note that you are to treat this with utmost confidentiality, and not be notifying the policemen of this contact. The policemen here in Boston are extremely corrupt, and have buried so many bodies in this city that they have had to do the Big Dig to lift the city up by twelve inches so they can fit more bodies underneath. THE CHOICE IS YOURS, IF I WERE YOU I WOULD, BECAUSE IT WILL COST YOU LITTLE OR NOTHING TO ACHIEVE THIS AND THE BENEFIT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER AND MAYBE YOU KEEP THE GYM SOCKS TOO. MA! HOW DO YOU TURN OF ALL THE BIG LETTers never mind Ma I found it. Remain blessed in the name of KIBO. Yours faithfully Barrister David Pachekotu