Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 19:55:17 -0400 Subject: Re: Stacking the shelves. WITH MY MIND! Status: R [joke.compiler] In alt.religion.kibology, sunburn@seanet.com wrote: Passenger Pigeon wrote: > lots42@aol.comaol.com (And knowing is half the battle.) wrote: >> 1) You look to the left. Is a train coming? >> Yes, go to Step 3. >> No, go to Step 4. >> 2) You look to the right. Is a train coming? >> Yes, go to Step 3. >> No, go to Step 4. >> 3) Wait for train to pass. >> 4) Use the awesome power of walking to convey yourself across the track. > > You must use OE. Any decent newsreader would have noticed that Step 2 > was unused and optimized it out. That's all well and good for people who write funny stuff all the time, but I get really tired of all the crap I have to go through just to get my jokes to compile properly. While I'm certain they'll all be integrated by the time Kibonews 1.0 comes out, I currently use SLRN, the newsreader which spits upon the diaper-gravy-boat that is Xnews, and I have over 19 humor filters[*] in my /news/dict directory, everything from RipTaylor 3.0 to SWT 4.9b (which isn't as buggy as often claimed alt.usenet.software.compilers) and some posts even go through the Pacheco alpha3 I'm testing (the so-called Hedgehog Parser needs work). All of those parsers, tracers, timers, punchline meters and the pun passes means it can take over 90 minuters to compile all of the jokes in a single post, even when I borrow cycles from the HIVEMIND. It's enough to make a person to not want to post at all. (God forbid they should invent a newsreader that can do *unattended* joke-sharpening.) These days it's easier to be unfunny, or funny-yet-tedious, or just make up nerdy technology gags. I see that's true for so many of you. Or perhaps you're happy to merely make a single- or double-pass with the list-humor checker, or semiotiscan for the right pop-culture references and other hip memes (as you've downloaded from www.kibo.com/news ), to prevent some kibological faux pas. Well, I want perfect jokes. I want to be regarded for my comedic brilliance, and I want to have the software to blame if a joke falls flat. That's why I'm not posting so much anymore, even though I've still an active reader. Before Crgre or Jorn raises that controversy, let me inform you that I see the dark future of this technology. I see that this is all leading ultimately to a Kibo Compiler, and then what will be the use of posters but to generate more fodder for what will resemble, with great accuracy, more Kibo posts? Does not His Grepness provide just enough posts so that noone will have them read and understood in a human lifetime? Do we posters not complement and offer counterpoint to Kibo? To the point, if there comes a time that a Kibo-emulator revises our posts to resemble such Kibo- authenticity that Kibo himself is the only genuine poster, well, what would he have to post about. If a tree falls on a big crowd of deaf people, does it make a sound? Kibo clones would noisily silence Kibo's Words. As you can tell from that terribly malformed metaphor, I have not filtered this post. I am a pure poster. What I post is direct to you from my text editor, its typoes and joke-flaws and bald-tyre-tread-marks intact. And I am proud to stand behind this post, posted directly from my head, full of confused references and half-adequate meme memory, and my heart, full of the love for the purity and wonder that is this medium, USENET Bboard Notesfiles. I have disabled my joke compilers. I seek to become an original, perfect, comedy source. And I'll do it the old-fashioned way: Relentless irritation of you funny people until you give up your secrets. And that includes you, Kibo. -LAN3 I'm back. Tell me what I want to know or the hedgehog gets it. Gets it, get it? Bah, you people. * Tjamesbot 1.0r4 ConanOBrien 8-Lite Yonderboy 6.7 RipTaylor 3.0 WShakespeare 12.1 SWT 4.9b UmbertoEco ][ Art Bell 0.9b DavidPacheco a3 B1FFSP3LL 1.0 (go with the original; it's uncontaminator by haXorsp3k) TraskTread build 1100 Bumgarner 1.0 (as if there could be another version) DavidSedaris 2.1b and various list-joke engines, timing spacers, and other joke fixers and meme-scramblers, mostly self-written, hence their shortcomings.