Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.sex.fetish.jello
From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: There's always room for another unintentionally scary commercial.
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Date: Fri, 30 Mar 2001 07:41:29 GMT
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I know I've posted a lot of commercial critiques lately, but either
commercials have become much stupider lately, or else I was mentally
impaired until recently.  Oh, heck, why not both?  Let's just agree
they removed the stupidness from my brain and sold it to the people
who make TV commercials.  I am amazed at how some TV commercials can
be terribly expensive and slickly-made, beautiful-looking, yet with
basic concepts that not only fail to make me want the product but
which seem to be actively campaigning for us to fear the product.

Prepare yourself for a bad acid trip:


    We see a young girl, who is dressed like Lewis Carroll's "Alice",
    as she gambols through a field by a pond.

    There are wobbling globs of colored flotsam in the pond.

    A tree branch has a bird's nest filled with blobs of colored gelatin.

    The girl passes these quivering gobs of naturally-occurring spoo as she
    encounters a wobbly orange butterfly fluttering around gloppily.

    She sucks it into her mouth and eats it.

    Then dozens of butterflies of all colors erupt from her mouth.

    Suddenly, she is trapped inside a blood-red sphere of gelatin.
    The spherical prison rises into the sky, and the girl seems
    unconcerned about being suffocated in Jell-O.

    We are told to buy Jell-O.


...WHAT THE FUDGE?

Okay, so Jell-O is found floating amid pond scum.  I always thought that
was how they made it.  And, sure, butterflies taste delicious even though
they lay eggs in your stomach, causing you to vomit butterflies.
But I don't understand why the girl isn't screaming and clawing at
the inside of her gelatinous tomb as it whisks her off to The Village where
the evil doctors will not only wash her brain, but replace it with Jell-O.

                               -- K.

                                  I wonder how they can claim it's kosher
                                  if it's got live butterflies in it.

                                  I hear that Ko-Jel's new ad campaign
                                  revolves around the catchphrase,
                                 "I can't believe it's not butterflies!"