Date: Wed, 24 Jul 2002 22:56:40 -0400 Subject: Re: SF mini-arkple Status: R In alt.religion.kibology, dumplechan@hotmail.com (swt) wrote: "Nick Bensema" wrote: > Met the Cherlins today. > > Saw Japantown, the Exploratorium, and Chinatown. in half, then mix up the halves and glue them together to make them even cooler and more indestructible! Or less destructible! The Chinatorium! Explor-a-Japan! And...Town-town! The city that celebrates urbanization! > In Japantown, the whole family turned into my university anime club as they cried, "Sailor moon is a hottie! I wouldn't kick her out of bed for snoring!" and then > perused all the weird titles. The hentai movies with the telltale "Totally Tentacles" seal of approval were mixed in with the Hello Kitty tapes. "Mostly > Uncensored" labels were scattered through every section of the store, but only some labels were on videos. Most were on people. To prevent bystander injury, > the real-live-3d pr0n section was roped off. And even then anyone at the left might get hit with flailing limbs. I applied for a job there, because the > cashier had a line of sight to video covers with bQQbies. Across the street, the nudist colony was having a cookout, so you could also see BBQbies. > There was a Japanese hardware store where I bought my mom a cute Japanese chef named Yoshi. He was on Iron Chef last week. Using only rice and eels, he made a > ceramic girl in a kimono that she'll think is adorable. > Then, the Japanese bookstore, where I bought a book about Japanese bookstores. "Ding!" said the Strange Loop detector, one of my favorite > un-useless gadgets. Sarah showed me a magazine cover with a kana font where supplicants were baptized in the character of their choice. I tripped on a ten-ten pool and > that made my nose bleed. Their father kept pulling out and describing his pet teeth: Raymond, Belle, Irwin, Allen, and Skyboxolajuwan. He bought them some > books he found interesting for reasons such as mediocre "Japlish" which is de rigeur these days, hence the "Japlish or perish" sign over the door. Volume is unaffected by rotations and > translations. I explained to him that since Zero Wing, it'll take more Prozac to get me out of bed in the morning. But after that, it takes more > than a misplaced apostrophe to raise my eyebrows. \ / (oo) """" > Much good food from Japanese grocery. Sarah tried Men's Pocky, and turned into a chain-smoking forty-something salaryman. I burst into flame after I > ate wasabi right out of the little packet that came with my sushi. Then I battled godzilla, and flew around until my super-powers wore off. Then I visited Uma Theremin, the only supermodel who makes beautiful music by gyrating sexily within a magnetic field. I took her on a date to 6-10, the convenience store for people who don't like prime numbers. I bought a burrito-hotdog on a stick. > She did not buy this weird drink that came in blue sausage casing that Yoshi, my mom's new chef, could have made into a delightful snack that > had the word "deliciousful" on the package. She did buy Pocari Sweat. Then she said, "I sneaked it out of the store in her shoes." I said "You mean snuck". > Nobody pronounced it "Sweet". I like Japanese pastries; they're not as sexy as Uma but they're more portable. I went back to the party after I decided Uma was > overbearing with the sweetness. Clement described to us the horrors of life on the Chicago Board of Exchange trading floor, where every day someone is trampled into > bean paste. And I think he put forth the hypothesis that "Men's Pocky" were testosteriffic. I concurred heartily. Then I said that Maxim > was not intended to be sexist, but rather was meant to be sold to "men" who drive great "rods" and buy "fly" stereo "gear", > as opposed to "children". > We went to the Exploratorium later. Clement found this rad cellular automaton and rode off on a puffer train, until they looped arond the world and crashed into their own exhaust. Meanwhile I visited "McDonald's", an evil sort of franchise cancer > thing that simulated a food chain. I taught Sarah a loose approximation of Peirce's philosophy. To celebrate her great success, we linked arms and did > the Lindy Hop for the purposes of projecting shadows at two of the three surviving Monkees. "Look out, Davy Jones! The crocodile is eating your face!" Then security came, so we had to run (in wacky sped-up motion) and hide behind other > shadow-related exhibits there. We could not go into the Tactile Dome becuase I giggle whenever I say "Tactile Dome". We tried to go to Koreatown but > it turns out you need reservations! SHIT! But I got to see what I look like without any bee stings - they don't trouble me so much now that I dress all > in infra-red. Apparently my hair is IR-dark, so I had trouble recognizing remote control commands from the mind-control satellites instructing me to discorporate > myself. We could barely escape the museum in time to be picked up; there is only so much edu-tainment you can sneak under your jacket. I know stealing is wrong, but there > was just so much cool stuff there to distract our poor ADD-ridden brains. > Afterwards, we went to our hostel and waited for a walking tour guide to not pronounce it "hostile". Then we wondered if it was time for the end of the world, and time for Jesus to > show up. After he didn't show up, we went to Chinatown. We looked in the Bible for signs of the second coming that mentioned Chinatown, but there aren't any, so we raided the > trinket shops and I got me a backscratcher and and sugar snake fireworks. Sugar snakes can't use backscratchers, your back doesn't itch after you E*X*P*L*O*D*E like Neo-tokyo. > I found inflatable furniture, on which we could rest our tired feets. Then one of dining room chairs got a flat, so we had to pull out the spare, which is really goofy-looking and you're not supposed to sit on it for too long. > Then we ate at a vegetarian Chinese restaurant and ate liek kings. Did I mention that I Liek Milk? See http://www.iliekmilk.da.ru/. Yo I am cool dood man. > More on that later as my time is running out. I thought there would be a little hourglass inside that last pot I broke, but it was just some zenny coins. THE END!