Date: Tue, 15 Jul 2003 22:30:10 -0400
Subject: Re: *fwooOOOM!* death by grill
Status: RO

In alt.religion.kibology, kibo@world.std.com wrote:

Kevin S. Wilson (rescyou@spro.net) wrote:
>  N. Gergen (gergen@armory.com) wrote:
>  >  Here's where I'd continue my exploration of grocery store layout
>  >  if I weren't so damn sleepy. Here's what I'm working on so far:
>  >  grocery store entrances used to have entrances perpendicular
>  >  to their fronts, but not anymore. Unless the Midwest subscribes
>  >  to a different grocery store design trade magazine than the
>  >  West Coast.
>  
>  A data point for your scientific inquiry:
>  
>  The older Albertson's in Boise have the doors perpendicular to the
>  front of the building. The newer ones, built in the last couple of
>  years, have the doors parallel with the front of the building. Sadly,
>  there is nothing but silence about this vast right-wind conspiracy.

I know not of this "per-pend-ic-ular" of which you speak, Earthman.
I shop at the Prudential Shaw's which is shaped like a fake rubber
vomit made from origami, and does not contain your Earth perp-end-i-culars.
It is a proper futuristic space supermarket, because in space there
is no "up" or "down", and no "right" or "wrong", therefore it is
impossible for this supermarket to contain a "right" angle.  That
would be wrong.

And then there's the Bread & Circus down the street -- it's a circle;
and the Star up north somewhere between Arlmont and Belmington --
it's an equilateral triangle.

(Cue a Dalek shouting "E-QUI-LA-TER-AL TRUMPS PER-PEN-DIC-U-LAR!"
over and over until it explodes.  Except in the Bread & Circus, where
they have to play the "Star Trek" gladiatorial combat music instead.)

So here's a different data point which is completely useless because
it's data for something irrelevant:

I was just at my favorite art-supply store buying some walnut scraps
and aluminum tubes (yes, just like Saddam Hussein) and the clerk at
the checkout was, as usual for this store, a college-age female with
multicolored spiky hair and a torn T-shirt.  However, it was a
desert camouflage T-shirt being worn inside-out.  I figured if I
pointed out that it was inside out she'd yell "DURHEY, YOU'RE VERY
OBSERVANT, EIN (long pause) STEIN!" because it must be on purpose.
Is this a new thing?  Or an old thing I'm too square to have noticed?
Does this mean that "Back To The Future II" is finally coming true
and we'll all get futuristic Eighties-style segmented-shoulder jackets
with primitive Votrax speech synthesizers?

                                    -- K.

                                       I should add that this is the same
                                       store where a clerk once asked
                                       me, "Are you a scientist?"