Date: Wed, 20 Mar 2002 00:16:13 -0500 Subject: Re: Albert you were wrong In alt.religion.kibology, kibo@world.std.com wrote: And now, TWO for ONE! In alt.sci.physics and sci.physics.relativity, "Arthur Knight" (arthurknighta@bigpond.com) wrote: > > Dear Albert, > You may have been right is some things ( I don't see you as part of the Brady Bunch cast this week, and now I'm sorry I checked this factory-reject "TV Guide". I forget whether I bought it from my local Mafia-run newsstand > establishment or a bad guy) but you were grossly wrong in others; I believe that if the sound of one hand clapping is heard, Peter Pan's friends will all become undead. The inner volume of my tent is persecuting me > through ignorance rather than any wrongful intent. The establishment were at used to be a man but turned into a rat when there was a full moon, but then one of his r's fell off, and Benny Hill thought I said "his arse fell off", and > first worried you may have been a threat to them, your theories bordering on Pottsylvania, where Peter Pan and the Mafia run an illegal newsstand selling the opposite of "TV Guide" out of a tent. They visit Dr. Purely to take > the purely physical, but later decided you were not; indeed because your defective edition of "TV Guide" said that both Carrot Top and Yahoo Serious were Conan O'Brien, I wasted time watching Leno instead, and his jokey > theories were so ambivalent this allowed them (the establishment!) to sleep over in Peter Pan's tent with the evil lining. Then Benny Hill stole someone's knickers and framed you for the pant heist -- the cops > portray themselves as being tolerant, also to you being a pantheist. The knickers, of course, are properly worn with the evil side outside, except when Benny Hill is playing a very fat man, and wears the tent instead. > Religious groups often cite you to justify their absurdities and also some of Benny Hill's, such as when he did an impression of Carrot Top playing Shakespeare's Bottom, which contained baffling > contradictions. If your theories were based completely on the purely evil side of Benny Hill's giant novelty underwear, the only hole in your theory would be a Y-front, and you'd have to take it off during Dr. Purely's > physical or materialistic and you had have declared yourself an atheist or someone who believes in Benny Hill and clapped your hands until he came back to life. But that didn't work, at least not for very long. As a > materialist you would not have got your foot on the first rung of the ladder because you'd be offended by Benny Hill's ribald pun: "What's runny and sounds like a bell? RUNGGGGGG!" so you'd rebury his corpse under his star on the Walk > of fame. And the religious would have burnt you at the stake (metaphorically representing Peter Pan's flaming lust as he rubbed his pajamas on the canvas interior of his evil tent, the fabric going "whoosh! whoosh!" as if it were > speaking; they don't do that now even if many of them may feel like it) They changed my "TV Guide" again to put the Brady Bunch and Benny Hill together to make the Benny Bunch, and also it says completing the hard crossword puzzle > made a virtual god out of you and others that give simular tacit support to Harvey Keitel's catchphrase from the sequel to "Saturn 3", namely "Saturn 3 2", in which he kept yelling "NO TACIT SUPPORT!" at Kirk Douglas and Farrah. See > them, with "Noble prizes etc", thus to make the populous gar gar and take Gar Gar Ginks and Genny Gill and Geter Gan and Girk Gouglas and, Gus, go get gas! Fargo North, Decoder, told me to say that. He helps kids take > their minds off the real problems besetting them. The establish almost sentence coherent. But wobble ix flep dorz Girk Gouglas, with melon the, not to mention "not to mention." Embedding someone in a tire will kill them > entirely and inevitably favour exploitation of the general public and General Electric and General Mills, who is a boxing referee according to this broken "TV Guide". I've had it with the way their magazine keeps > promoting fallacious beliefs creeds and pseudo science or misused science to create flavors of Hamburger Helper that destroy hamburger on contact. That's less helpful than Benny Hill carrying a 10' plank. Betty Crocker and Benny Hill > hold their power over the masses. The back bone of the establishment is "I before E except after C", but Albert Ienstien couldn't grasp that simple rule, nor could he pitch a tent with the evil side facing the right way. Let's make > believe" : Religions, The Medical profession and Drug companies Big Breakfast include two strips of bacon in the form of a crucifix with Claritin eyes. But taking into account Benny Hill's naughty extra > business, (a powerful alliance!) The Legal profession and Institutions, such as the Smithsonian Institution and the Mafia-run newsstand that sells an evil version of "Playboy" with an inflexible fold-out that cannot be opened by > Governments, Politics, cosy Bureaucrats (another powerful alliance) and so what? It makes almost as much sense as if Peter Pan, Benny Hill, and Betty Crocker brought about world peace by taking a bubble bath with no knickers > on. We now have (perverted "Globalisation" ) It was inevitable the world would revolve around Benny Hill someday, and not Carrot Top or Yahoo Serious. If I had another three dollars and fifty cents, another smiling yellow Lego > policeman would be bought! Almost anything that is good and right is stolen during pant heists and hidden in Peter Pan's inside-out evil tent, and all that's left is bad and left. Maybe Peter Pan's wild crime tent could be > infiltrated by agents or freelancers of greed and the establishment. To the south there is a view of the Tubbytronic Superdome. But beware if the TeleTubbies say they "wuv" you, for they like to tightly hug the > general public; "they almost have an irretrievable strangle hold on you". But at least it is a strangle-hold of wuv, unlike when Benny Hill and Peter Pan switch knickers: Peter's fall off and Benny is strangled from the waist down. > They now can destroy almost anyone who opposes them that is a real threat to my right to stalk celebrities like Girk Gouglas, Garrot Gop, or Gahoo Gerious. I'd love to garrote Garrot Gop with Benny Hill's oversized GVDs, stretching > them, using the media and the institutions they control. Don't think the word "wuv" too often or you will turn into a Teletubby or worse, Benny Hill's underwear. And it's all covered with brown streaks, smudges, swooshes, > skirmishes between religious groups and politics or within the confines of Peter Pan's evil tent of perversion, where Lego policemen often disappear on fantastic voyages of discovery. The existence of Lego-free > establishments themselves is a sign of hope of freedom. There is only a chance the next "Saturn 3" sequel will be called "New York 12, Chicago 5, and a partial score of Saturn 3." There's a fine line 'tween old jokes and crap, a > hairs breath of difference between which ever side wins. Sorry to be a cynic but I think the Teletubbies really have people inside, possibly in disguise. The late Howard Cosell jumped out of my ersatz "TV Guide" into my brain > but I cannot help telling it the way it really is. Still don't give up the spot closest to the flap in Peter Pan's tent to anyone because I don't want to have to climb over Benny Hill when I need to run away. I don't try to > fight because even little victories enable you to at least sleep at night in Peter Pan's tent of evil fun, unless Harvey Keitel keeps us awake shouting "NO TACIT SUPPORT!" while Farrah Fawcett's bad acting fails to steal any scenes > and give you some dignity. (see I am not a complete cynic!) Something even more complete would be a Lego policeman with two heads. He would be too complete, and you'd be arrested too fast, and go before a bribe-resistant judge > money cannot buy and the gurus in the establishment can never attain with Benny Hill parading around in that giant underwear. It ruins the serious dignity of "The Benny Hill Show". He should just wave fluffy pom poms > all their pomp pomposity and power. None the less don't think they will get wet unless they sit in the first three rows. Unlike Harvey Keitel's "NO TACIT SUPPORT!", Mae West's catchphrase is something about sometime getting > their comeuppance in the next life because there just isn't one. That is the best "Brady Bunch" plot listed in this special "TV Guide", and it's not even as the actual ones with Cousin Oliver. Adding him to the cast was > just another ploy by the establishment (one of many) to placate you to be placoated with a goopy layer of Play-Doh. DOH! A deer! A female deer! Nobody, not even the great Girk Gouglas, can explain the meaning of this > content with partial or no justice. Arthur. ps If you want to relieve your self in Benny Hill's underwear, that would be just plain gross, which is odd because visually, grossness is seldom plain, usually a mass of blotches and > frustrations and make small waves join me in criticisms of them and maybe "The Benny Hill" show was stupid and maybe it was funny and maybe it was both, but everyone can agree on one thing: He chases people at double speed to > make them feel a little uncomfortable now and then, and those of you being exposed to Teletubby wuv rays and/or illicit tacit contact with Cousin Oliver, Peter Pan, Garrah Gawcett, or Yahoo Serious on the knee or > in the know of what goes on behind the scenes out of conscience guilt, like that gal in "Goldfinger" who died when she guilt her conscience including the crucial spot at the back of her mind. Should've used sticky Play-Doh, to > perhaps join us. Even the innocents of the families of the establishment suffer from the occasional bout of antidisestablishmentarianism, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, and sucking chest wounds, which > themselves often get sucked into the injustice of the system they themselves mentioned in a letter to the editor of the other "TV Guide", where it was ignored by the scientific community, engrossed in the "Benny Hill" plots they > helped to create. Sometimes members of the establish themselves get hoisted by their waistband until they get an atomic, chemical, or biological wedgie, based on specialty, unless the Brady Bunch is mimicking Le Petomane, stinking > up on their own petard, but not often enough me thinks. Arthur. With special guest stars Benny, Yahoo, Carrot, Peter, Harvey, Kirk, Farrah, Howard, Cindy, Bobby, Jan, Peter, Marcia, Greg, and the other Teletubbies. -- K. The only way I could get through all of that was to keep imagining Raul Julia yelling "TUH-RIPLE JACKPOT!" to keep my spirit, and my pinball score, up. How come they never made a Benny Hill pinball machine?