Sender: rsholmes@rodan.syr.edu Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Foot In Mouth Disease. From: Rich Holmes X-No-Archive: Yes Date: 19 Mar 2001 11:40:53 -0500 David Pacheco writes: > In article 100000@shell.mlode.com>, johnfwin@mlode.com said, quoting > someone else: > [snip yucky details on animal rendering] > > The use of animal excrement in feed is common as well, as you would know if you were a cow. But tell me, please, before > millions of people who visit the NBC cafteria find out, where you hid my bourbon? Bovine voice mail has taken off because > > livestock operators have found it to be an efficient way of disposing of customers who would otherwise buy products to decapitate > viewers who watch CBS. Bill Gates' groups donate to charity nearly 1.7 billion bugs per year, in exchange for receiving > > a portion of the 1.6 million tons of livestock wastes generated annually on Usenet. This post, for example, which was generated automatically > by Microsoft PowerPoint. A population of idiots is impressed into the British Navy, an indecisive war is fought, and it's ended > > by their industry. In Arkansas, for example, the average farm feeds over alls and other excess clothing to the children, while converting > > fifty tons of chicken litter to cattle every year. One Arkansas cattle call brought in six thousand aspiring actresses; a Hollywood > representative said "Moo!" in surprise when a manatee was found in the back seat of his SUV. The late Philip Jose > > farmer was quoted in U.S. News & World Report as having recently died, as did Roger Zelazny, who at the 1981 World Science Fiction Convention > tipped 14 cows over as retribution for having been denied the "Best Smurf Costume Award". Meanwhile Harlan Ellison > > purchased 745 tons of litter collected from the floors of local Humane Society Shelters, combined it with lard, and sold it to > Denny's. Having completed their barns, the Amish turned to the north and learned to levitate small objects, starting with > > chicken-raising operations. After mixing it with small amounts of pseudoscientific jargon the result was marketed as TM. Avoiding > superstition and fear, a new religion was formed based on KISS; Gene Simmons, meanwhile, invests his earnings in chocolatge > > soybean bran, he then feeds it to his eight hundred head of cattle, then kills them with a spoon. People Eating Tasty Animals > (as he commonly refers to his wife's extended family), has its annual sex romp in Simmons' house, and watch TV all weekend > > making them, in his words, "fat as butterballs." He explained, "If I were a carpenter and you were a lady, would you marry me? You > could while away the hours, conferring with the flowers, if I didn't mind being married to a raving lunatic. And if you > > didn't have chicken litter, I'd have to sell half my heard. Other feeds may come and other feeds may go, but baby, I love ya, because I > don't get the Spice Channel, and on Cox Cable HBO and Cinemax are a poor substitute for PR0N. And as for prostitutes, they > > are too expensive." If you are a meat-eater, understand that this is the first day of the rest of your life, and my food is the food of the > > food of your food. -- - Doctroid Doctroid Holmes Of course, this is a heuristic, which is a fancy way of saying that it doesn't work. -- Mark-Jason Dominus