Date: Sat, 28 Aug 2004 02:25:29 -0400
Subject: [ark] Re: Most important non-religious artifact in Canada
Status: RO

In alt.religion.kibology, Mark-Edwards@comcast.net wrote:

No cluons were harmed when Glitter Ninja! wrote:

[snips]

>   You may not realize, I am a recovering English major.  This means 
>   I 
> cannot spell, read, or compose a grammatically correct sentence.  
> But I 
> have admitted that I have a problem, which is the first step.

Many apologies, but the "I'm a recovering English Major" line made me 
think of the song by Charlie Daniels Band:

The devil went down to Kansas, he was lookin' for a soul to steal; he 
was in a bind, he was way behind and he was willin' to make a deal.

He came upon this woman, bangin' on a keyboard and the keys were hot, 
and the devil jumped up on a hickory stump and said, "Girl, let me 
tell you what."

"You prob'ly didn't know it, but I'm an English Major too. And if you 
care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you."

"Now you diagram a pretty good sentence, girl, but give the devil his 
due. I'll bet a ladder of hate against your fate, 'cause I think I'm 
better than you."

The girl said "My name's Stacia, and it might be a sin, but I'll take 
your bet - you're gonna regret, 'cause I'm the best that's ever been."

[chorus]
Stacia, you parse your Chaucer parts and check your grammar hard, 
'cause hell's broke loose in Kansas, and the devil's dealin' cards.

And if you win, you get this grimy ladder made of hate, but if you 
lose, the devil sets your fate...

[Fiddle]

The devil opened Strunk & White and said I'll start this thing, and 
fire flew from his fingertips as he opened his red pen. He pulled the 
pen across the page, and it made an evil hiss. And a band of demons 
joined in, and it sounded somethin' like this:

[Evil, musically skritchity sounds]

When the devil finished Stacia said, "Well you're pretty good, old 
son, but sit down in that chair right there, and let me show you how 
it's done!"

"Up with that, I shall not put."
Don't start a sentence with 'And' or 'But'."
"Prepositions at sentence end don't go!"
"So take your red pen outta my show."

[More Fiddle]

Well the devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat, 
and he laid that hateful ladder on the ground at Stacia's feet.

Stacia said, "Devil, just come on back if you ever want to try again, 
'cause I told you once, you son of a bitch, I'm the best that's ever 
been!"

"Up with that, I shall not put."
Don't start a sentence with 'And' or 'But'."
"Prepositions at sentence end don't go!"
"So take your red pen outta my show."

[More Fiddle]

Stacia and the devil both turn and glare at the fiddle player. the 
devil looks at Stacia.

"Shall I?"

"Be my guest," says Stacia, and the devil pops a big bolt of fire at 
the fiddle player, who squawks, breaks a string, splits the bow and 
wanders off rubbing the burn on the back of his head...

Stacia thanks the devil, who wanders off muttering, "At least I'm not 
a pig fucker."

Stacia slams him with the biggest and best ladder of hate ever seen 
on ARK.


Mark Edwards
-- 
Proof of Sanity Forged Upon Request