Date: Thu, 20 Jun 2002 23:32:36 -0400
Subject: Re: Kibo stories - Real or Urban Legend?
Status: RO

In alt.religion.kibology, kibo@world.std.com wrote:

Poot Rootbeer (poot@dork.com) wrote:
>
>  James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote:
>  >
>  >  Also, all the other kids used to tease Copernicus about his 
>  >  metallic orange underpants. 
>  
>  How did they find out what flavor they were?

Although the invention of true edible underpants would not be possible
for another eight hundred years, Copernicus was the first man to wear
semi-edible underpants.  They may have been made of hard, cold metal,
unsuitable for chewing or swallowing, but they did indeed have a coating
of fruity flavor made from a mixture of neroli oil, extractive of citron,
isinglass, ambergris, and absinthe.  At first the villagers were reluctant
to test Copernicus's invention, for they had never before seen semi-
edible underwear, and the old folklore rang in their ears: "Never lick
an astronomer's underwear until after the geocentric universe has been
abandoned in favor of a the helicentric system."  Only on his deathbed
was he able to achieve his lifelong dream of having people taste his
underpants while the Earth went around the Sun.  Nevertheless, the
metallic underwear left a bad taste in people's mouths, largely due
to the presence of triglycerides and epicycles to maintain the integrity
of the Solar and underwear systems.  It was not until much later that
Kepler was able to eliminate the need for underwear preservatives or
silly epicycles by inventing BVDs, with a modern Y-front and an elliptical
waistband.  Many have speculated that Galileo would not have gone blind
and been persecuted by the Pope if he had used Copernicus's system instead
of his own, involving burlap underwear soaked in mercury.  Of course,
without the existence of multiple forms of exotic underwear, there would
have been no motivation for Galileo to invent the telescope.

                     -- K.

                               "Mathematics is written for mathematicians."
                                         -- Nicholas Copernicus (1473-1543)