Date: Tue, 22 Apr 2003 19:43:12 -0400 Subject: Re: Aquired:: One Pick-Up Status: R In alt.religion.kibology, tamaraharris@sprint.ca wrote: "Pugg" wrote in message news:946bavgr0cdfjnp1he2slf2rpc9sm4m0ea@4ax.com... > I have no choice now but to demand that you write and post to this > froup, "A Kibological Christmas Carol," complete with very special > guest stars and no less than two (2) song-and-dance numbers. > Explodiations are optional, but will improve your grade. This is NOT > and open-book assignment. You may not ask Matt McIrvin for assistance. Okay. But again, I warn you that Kibo and Pacheco do this MUCH better than me. A Sort-Of-Christmas Carol By Tamara Harris [Sally Struthers enters, stage right] Sally - Oooooh! It is SO good of you to be here!! Sally - I'd like to welcome you all to our mid-spring Hmas Festival! And now.our Emcee is.none other but the wonderful KERRI!! Kerri - Thank you, Sally. Do you ALWAYS have a donut shoved in your face like that? Sally - Mrrrmrghrmgghhh.. Kerri - Errr.okay.on with the show! First up, we have The Dancing Manfires! You will love them! Such a talented troupe! [ the Dancing Manfires appear, dressed in scuba gear and shouting "MANFIRE!!" while doing the mamushka] Kerri - Wow! That was SPECTACULAR! I can hardly breathe!! And next, I would like to introduce our lovely and talented fence-climber, Dag! Dag - Hello. Kerri - AND! TALYSMAN! [ SFX: The hills are alive.with the sound of muuuuusic...] [ Dag and Talysman bow while receiving a standing ovation ] Kerri - THAT WAS WONDERFUL!! Oh my! Such talented boyz!! Such talent. [ Sally Struthers, stage right ] Sally - Okay Kerri. Get a grip. Stop your drooling. Kerri - I'm okay. I'm cool. I'm with it. So .who is next? [Jeremy runs onto the stage dressed as an elf in spandex] Jeremy - Hi everyone!! Happy Spring Hmas!! Today is such a WONDERFUL day!! We get to see a great performance by kibologists and then at the end, if we are really good, we might get to see Kibo-Claus! [ Jeremy starts to tap-dance and is soon joined by NotR, JWGH and Buettner ] [ SFX: tappity-tappity-tappity-tappity-tap ] Kerri - Guys, that was fantastic! Wow! Such talent here tonight! And next up is our very own crane operator, Roy! We wanted to also get some tractor guys in here but time zones didn't permit it. But we have ROY!! YAY ROY!! [SFX: "I Work Hard For The Money" ] Roy - Kerri! [ Kerri faints. Sally rushes in. ] Sally - What did you do to her??? Roy - I gave her my MALE-GAZE! Sally - SHIT!! DAMN!! OH WHAT DO WE DO NOW?? OUR EMCEE IS DOWN!! [ Fool, enters stage left] Fool - Tsokay. I can handle it from here. I mean, all I have to to is introduce Kibo-Claus, right? Sally - Well that's kinda cutting the show a bit short, isn't it? Fool - Tsokay. [from the audience] lcrl - I haven't been bitter in TWO DAYS! I surely hope Kibo-Claus got me a good gift!! Revjack - Shut up robert. Me first. oTTo - WHAT?!? What about ME?? Tam - WHAT?!?! Remember, it is ALL ABOUT *ME!!* IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT *ME!!* [ hair pulling, punching, screaming ensues ] [ amidst the mayhem, Kibo-Claus appears ] Kibo-Claus - Font! Font! Font!! Merry Hmas!! Audience, in unison - KIBO-CLAUS!!! Kibo-Claus - I know you have all been good and I know how much you want presents so I brought something for all of you to share! [ opens crate ] Kibo-Claus - BOB HOPE!! I had hoped to bring the GHOST of Bob Hope but apparently that cannot happen for at least another thousand years 'cause he just won't die. So, I apologize for not making this all "A Christmas Carol-y" but if you just imagine Mr. Hope with chains around him, or chain mail, well, then we're getting closer to the true meaning of Hmas in Spring. Teh enb. I will remind you that it had several dance numbers and TWO celebrities. Give me credit for that at least. ~T