From: "SWT" <dumplechan@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Subject: Re: CHINESE COMMUNIST SUBVERSION THREAD
Date: Sat, 1 Jul 2000 08:02:39 -0700

"Crgre Jvyyneq" <petew@drizzle.com> wrote in message
news:8F63A00C4browse0tron@207.211.168.81...
> ***********************************************
> ******************WELCOME!!!!******************
> ***********************************************
> ***********TO**********THE*********************
> **************CHINESE**************************
> **********************COMMUNIST****************
> ***********SUBVERSION**************************
> **********************THREAD*******************
> ***********************************************
> ***********************************************

INSTITUTING NEW CULTURAL PROGRAMMING TO FEND OFF ALL SUBVERSION OF CHINESE
COMMUNISM!

[ Insert wacky sped-up footage of a white-haired girl waving a red lantern ]

*** Begin repost of dated political humor! ***  *** Begin repost of dated
political humor! ***

[start up the funky intro music]

[fade in to a shot of a bunch of people throwing down sickles and starting
to dance]

Godlike voice: Get funky, proletariat!  It's time for...

[VERY FAST zoom in to the "Clubhouse" (the forbidden city)]

Godlike voice:  Uncle! Mao's! Clubhouse!

[cut to Uncle Ho Chi Minh ringing a gong]

[cut to shot of Uncle Mao repeatedly making a peace sign (with EXTREME
foreshortening) as Chinese opera percussion builds to its crescendo]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><Commercial break 1><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
[shot of some miners]
[cute boingy jingle begins]
[shot of same miners working at Wal-Mart, they look out of place]

"If all men were created equal...

[shot of the same miners as steel workers, they look out of place]

...we'd make only one brand of proletariat chow!

[shot of grimy miners painting a house]

...But we cater to the needs of *ALL* the unwashed masses!

[shot of a smiling under-class kid missing a tooth]

[shot of a stack of bags labeled "Proletariat chow".  Each is labeled with a
mutant Purina logo with a hammer and sickle on it.  There are several
flavors: "Miner", "Assembly line", "Data entry", et cetera]

Jingle: Don't treat your workers like the bourgoisie, give them proletariat
chow!

SCENE ONE:
[Mao walks in from the right and removes his sandals, Fred Rogers style]
[In the background is a portrait of a stern-looking bearded man, labeled
"Grampa Marx"]

Mao: Hello again.  And welcome to my neighborhood.

[doorbell rings]

Mao: The People's Doorbell is ringing!  Let's see who it is!

[Cut to: Outside. Nixon is knocking on the door and grinning maniacally]

Mao: It's Richard "The GRRRRREAT Paper Tiger" Nixon.  Let's not let him in!
[chuckles to himself]

[Outside: Nixon on front 'porch', holding bunches of grain.  He gives up and
walks off.  Camera follows Nixon, as he passes close to a TuffShed[tm] with
the Taiwanese flag flying above it.  Nixon pouts]

Mao:Well kids, what should we do now? ...Let's see what little red book
says....Little red book say: Turn in your capitalist grandparents!"

[fade out]

SCENE TWO:

Mao: Okay kids, let's call up Cousin Gorby.  [picks up phone]  He's the
black sheep of the family.  [dialing]  But it's nice to keep up family
ties. <rinnnnnng>   <rinnnnnnng> <boop boop beep>
Nasal operator voice: We're sorry.  The country you have dialed has been
dissolved.  Please check an atlas and try again." <click>
[Uncle Mao hangs up in disgust]

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