Article 146466 of alt.religion.kibology:
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.tv.teletubbies,alt.tv.v,alt.stupidity,alt.non.sequitur
From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Re: Kibo presents: BUBBLEBABIES
Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself)
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1998 06:29:35 GMT
X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 7812 centons, 88 microns, .01 abians
X-Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com
Organization: HappyNet Headquarters

In various parts of various newsgroups,
hydrox@sunshine.com (Hy Drox) wrote, with the help of Matthew Lehr:
> James "Kibo" Parry <kibo@world.std.com> wrote:
> > ERNIE (Keebler):  But you can try my new bacon-frosted bacon!  It's bacon
> > dipped in a candy shell, sprinked with bacon bits!  And it's made WITH
> > real bacon!  (He holds up a piece of brown cardboard with brown gravel
> > glued to it and a tiny bacon grease stain at one end.)
> >
> > KIBO:  Wow.  You've finally succeeded in finding a way to ruin bacon.
> 
>         Ruin bacon?  Since when is combining rich, buttery shortbread
> cookies with sizzlin' hot crispy strips of bacon a "ruination????"

"DOGS AND USENET READERS DON'T KNOW IT'S NOT BACON!"

So I take it you haven't tried Keebler Bacon-Frosted Bacon(TM) yet.
I feel that although the cardboard does pass as extremely stale yet
undercooked bacon (really underraw bacon, or possibly underarm bacon)
the brown aquarium gravel does not even approach the quality of the
completely real bacon they use in Bac*Os.  However, as the box
indicates, it *is* made WITH real bacon:

  INGREDIENTS:  Water, Emulsifiers (Cellulose Gel, Guar Gum, Carageenan,
  Hydrogenated Methylcellulse, Wood Pulp, Sawdust, Trees Chunked & Formed),
  Textured Vegetable Protein (Bumpy Kelp, Squiggly Crabgrass, Tofu That Fell
  Onto A Shag Rug), Animal And/Or Vegetable Shortening (It's Always Lard),
  Natural Flavors (Uranium Hexafluoride, Strontium 90, Modified Asbestos),
  Natural Colors (Green 2000, Gray 8000, Cloudy 9000), Preservatives
  (Calcium Disodium MTBA, BHA & BUAF, Polysorbate 76), Other (Modified Rat),
  Bacon (Deposited By Electroplating.)

The "DOGS DON'T KNOW IT'S NOT BACON -- BECAUSE THEY'RE STUPID!" ad campaign
is a wonderful idea, and I wish I had thought of it.  They could do so
much more with it.  Like:

"WEBTV -- DOGS DON'T KNOW IT'S NOT A COMPUTER!"

"HEXADECIMAL -- DOGS DON'T KNOW IT'S NOT DECIMAL!"

"RANCID -- DOGS DON'T KNOW IT'S RANCID!"

                                        -- K.
                                        Of course, in the seventies, they
                                        marketed "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S
                                        DOG FOOD!" in Russia.