Date: Fri, 12 May 2006 10:18:43 -0400
Subject: [ark] Re: help me graduate!

In alt.religion.kibology, kibo@world.std.com wrote:

"Black-Box Abstraction" (ridd1emethis@aim.com) wrote:
>  So I'm in an anthropology class right now and our final project needs a
>  paper topic involving people and computers (not difficult). One of my
>  friends is doing an ethnography of WoW players, and I for some reason
>  decided an ethnography of ark would be a good idea.

I'm not sure you can stretch out "They're very, very white,
even the black guys" into a whole paper.  Unless this is one of
those courses where the prof was cool enough to say "You can
submit a term paper, or, write the words 'TERM PAPER' on a 3x5
card..."

>  [insert cutscene of nerdly CS major trying to pitch this idea to
>  skeptic professor]

I always press the space bar to skip the cutscenes.  Unless you're
talking about Takashi Miike movies, in which case the scenes with
the most cutting are the best ones.  Hey, have you seen "Visitor Q"?
It's like an anthropology term paper, except more disgusting.
I bet you could get a whole dissertation out of trying to explain
why Japan is allowed to make movies like that.

>  Feel free to not answer, but if you do want to respond, please do so
>  before the 17th since that's when the thing's due. Thanks.
>  
>  How did you end up on this group?

One day I was riding my pogo stick and it got stuck in a really
special pothole and while I was waiting for the tow truck to assist
me some cops came and put a bunch of orange cones around me and
barricade tape which said "CAUTION: WEIRDOS ENCLOSED".  Eventually
a lot of other weirdos ducked under the tape to join me because
obviously the highly descriptive tape didn't want them to be
outside any more.  This community was renamed "alt.religion.kibology"
by Mark Twain, who was riding past on a better pogo stick (one
with fancy shock absorbers that kept it from bouncing.)  You know
the rest of the story, except for the part after next week's
plot twist where I hit Jack Bauer over the head with the Stanley Cup.

>  Why subscribe? What brings you back every week/month/five minutes?

I was going to say "inertia", but it's not even that.  It's more like unertia.

>  What's ark's purpose?

It's a cookbook!
  
>  Would ark be different if it was in a medium other than usenet? Would
>  it even beable to exist?

Marshall McLuhan once said, "If a.r.k didn't exist, the Internet
would be what it is today."  Then he and Mark Twain beat each
other with hockey sticks and bled to death so nobody won the
Stanley Cup this year.
  
>  What're your opinions on flavor-blasted Goldfish?

You can't spell "goldfish" without "oldfish", and you can't
spell "flavor-blasted" without "vor-bla", and you can't say
"vor-bla" without accidentally writing a "Doctor Who" episode,
probably one of the old ones where guys in wetsuits with
Froot Loops glued all over chase people around really slowly,
not one of the new ones where the Daleks can't withstand
the onslaught of The International Gay Agenda.  Episode three
of "Return Of The Curse Of The Secret Of The Legend Of The
Time Of The Antithesis Of The Eradication Of The Repetition
Of The Vor-Bla" was the one where only the Australian version
accidentally played the theme music backwards so you could
clearly hear Paul McCartney saying "EAT GOLDFISH!  EAT GOLDFISH!
AND LOTS OF PORK!"  That was the episode which ended with the
Doctor being permakilled by a nuclear bomb, followed by a trailer
for the next episode where the Doctor did a crossword puzzle
that spanned time and space.

>  Is there anything in particular that should be included in the
>  ethnography?

A refund form.

>  Any other questions you think I should be asking?

"Where should I send your million-dollar refund?"
  
>  Am I going to get trolled to death for posting this?

Not unless you get fingerprints on my Stanley Cup.
  
>  thanks for your time.

No problem, and you better post it when it's done.  Hey, this isn't
going to turn into that "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" episode written
by Harlan Ellison, is it?  'Cause I don't care if you're James Caan,
I refuse to be Walter Koenig.  I demand to be George Takei or better.

                                        -- K.

                                           Who needs a pecking order when
                                           we've got me?