Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 21:53:34 -0400
Subject: Re: Damn
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Status: RO

In article <7g58cs$qoe@epic13.Stanford.EDU> Joe Bay writes:

Beable van Polasm <beable@my-dejanews.com> writes:


>OK I ADMIT I AM NOT THE WORLD'S BIGGEST TOTO FAN!!! I only went
>because my friend asked me if I would like to go and that they
>had some "plutonum tickets" and I was hoping that they would be
>"PLUTONIUM TICKETS" but I was a little bit disappointed that they
>were actually "platinum tickets".

You've got the magic plutonium ticket!


          Show Archimedes Wonka leading several naughty children through his
          chocolate factory.  An enormous mechanism covered with spinning gears
          spews liquid chocolate (colored a strangely sickly red-orange) and
          whipped cream.

          ARCHIMEDES WONKA:  And *this* is my revolutionary, non-pollutionary
                             Plutonium Atom Everlasting Totalitizer!

          TOTALITIZER:  Shlurp.  Shlurp.  *BOING*.  Shlurp.  Shlurp.  *BOING*.

          BLONDE:  It makes me want to twirl my hair!

          Show blonde twirling her hair.  Show hair getting caught in gears of
          Everlasting Totalitizer and pulling blonde into large dark scary 
	  chute from which liquid chocolate pours.

          CHARLIE:  What's happened to her?

          ARCHIMEDES WONKA:  Well, that chute only leads to the Wonkamatic
                             Interdimensional Guillotine on alternate Tuesdays,
                             so I suppose she has a sporting chance... One more
                             naughty bad child taken care of, eh?

	  (bad butt-splice)
	  		     Now let's leave behind this banality for some
			     glorious universal atom totality!

          Show orange-faced, green-wigged Oompa-Loompas entering the scene.
          They sing a song.


          OOMPA-LOOMPAS: All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is
			 see your nucleus
			 Plutonium, Plutonium
		         I never thought that an ATOM like you could ever
			 care for me, Plutonium

			 Meet you all the way, Pluto-ni-um
			 Meet you all the way, Pluto-ni-um

			 All I wanna tell you is now you'll never have
			 to spontaneously emit particles
			 Plutonium, Plutonium
			 I never thought radioactive decay could ever
			 hurt so bad.

         [FX: OOMPA-LOOMPA DRUMMER explodes]


	 [FX: GIANT DISPOSABLE NAPKIN]


(Portions of this broadcast were blatantly plagiarized from Dr. Matt
"Longshot" McIrvin, Ph.D.)

-- 
Joseph M. Bay                                Lamont Sanford Junior University
           Putting the "harm" in molecular pharmacology since 1998
T h e r e        i s        n o        g o v e r n o r      a n y w h e r e .
			http://www.stanford.edu/~jmbay