Date: Tue, 4 Dec 2001 02:53:49 -0500
Subject: Re: "were gonna hit 'em with the cans, see"
Status: R

In alt.religion.kibology, kibo@world.std.com wrote:
Artemia Salina (y2k@sheayright.com) wrote:
>
>  Leo Sgouros (someone@home.com) found an Associated Press article:
>  > 
>  >  Tapes hint at cyanide plot by al-Qaida
>  > 
>  >  MILAN, Italy -- ``The men spoke in code of a mysterious "drug"
>  >  they wanted to try on people. One referred to the substance as
>  >  "tomato cans" and said he wanted to see what effect it would have
>  >  on someone breathing it in"

This is the worst remake of "Hello, Dolly" ever.  Next you're going to
tell me they're going to do a remake of "Oklahoma" that includes gory
talk about eyes being poked out with spring-loaded knives, and a remake
of "Cats" starring Peter Ustinov in the wreckage of the U.S. Capitol
after the nuclear war.  Oh, and that guy from "SeaQuest 2032" could be
in it, and there could be a bit part for that woman who was on the
Farrah Fawcett poster.  Plus there could be a computer whose vowels
exploded when you disagreed with it.  And the big dance number would
be people in luge suits flying around wearing hockey masks.

>  I read an article about that a while ago. I think the terror guys referred
>  to the poison as "product" and wanted to put it in canned tomatoes, which
>  I thought was a rather trite stereotype considering the terror guys were
>  in Italy. They indicated that this "product" was a liquid and that one
>  good whiff of the stuff would kill a person as though they had been
>  suffocated.

Grated parmesan cheese?

>  It reminded me of some science history book I'd read long ago wherein
>  some old time science guy in the 16-1700's was messing around with
>  something referred to as "Dutch oil." The science guy took just a small
>  whiff of the stuff and was subsequently laid up for months as a result.

"I shall smell this to see whether it is deadly."  AND SCIENCE WAS ADVANCED!

This is the sort of great scientific event which is immortalized in
docudramas shown to elementary school students.  And then years later,
REAL science instructors have to waste a lot of time convincing the students
that science is nothing like the stupid films you saw when you were a kid.

I was so disappointed when I found out that spilling a gallon of
sulfuric acid on my crotch wouldn't automatically make my invention work.
Watson couldn't do anything about the acid, either.  I don't know what
Alexander Graham Bell was thinking in that movie.  Did Watson have some
sort of super power that could make crotches grow back?

>  I still don't know what "Dutch oil" is. And I'm almost to the point
>  where I won't try any scratch-n-sniffs I get in the mail anymore.

And, for your own sake, don't open any Dutch doors!  Even opening half
of one could kill the corresponding half of your body!

I think that happened over on alt.sci.physics.new-theories.  Most of
those people only exist from the waist down.

Dutch oil, by the way, is ethylene chloride (C2H4Cl2) so I expect it
would be bad for you.  It's got chlorine in it.  You know, like salt.
The principal use of dutch oil is in alchemy, much like hepatic air,
green lion, alembroth, lunar caustic, pompholix, and thion hudor.
They should not be confused with alum, camphor, and castor oil,
which are only used in old cartoons.

                                    -- K.

                                       The two educational science-type
                                       documentary-style films that
                                       permanently warped me when I was eight:

                                  1.)  Homer Price and that damn
                                       doughnut machine.  Enough with
                                       the freakin' doughnuts already!

                                  2.)  The one where the witch casts
                                       a spell that makes some guys
                                       play football in the mud but
                                       then this little girl forces
                                       the witch to take a bubble bath.