Article 135924 of alt.religion.kibology: From: iayork@panix.com (Ian A. York) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: The City That Time Forgot Date: 13 Jul 1997 20:43:23 -0400 [Establishing aerial shot of a thriving, happy, city, lots of greenery and stuff. Traffic moving briskly. Cheery music.] VOICEOVER: This ... is the city that time forgot. [Dramatic music starts. Shot moves in, picks up a distant figure striding toward the camera.] VOICEOVER: I work here. I carry a badge. [Figure is quite close now. Camera focuses on his chest. It's true. He does carry a badge. It says: HELLO MY NAME IS IAN Camera moves back again.] IAN [to camera]: There are six million stories in the naked city. Also, there are 2 million stories in the city with clothes on. The city wearing a bikini has four hundred and seventy four stories. The city that is not wearing any pants has one million, three hundred thousand stories. The city in a three-piece suit, no tie, has five hundred and fifty stories, plus one limerick. The city wearing big kid pants has a haiku. And there are forty-seven stories in the barefoot city. VOICEOVER: That's nine million, three hundred and one thousand and seventy-one stories, not counting the poems! IAN: If the city that is wearing a bikini is blue, and the city that is barefoot has to take a fox, a goose ... no, wait. Start over. [Establishing shot, voiceover as before, shot of IAN wearing the badge.] IAN: This is Worcester, The City That Time Forgot. VOICEOVER: It's pronounced "Wooster." IAN: That's what I said. VOICEOVER: But this is written. They can't hear you. IAN [starts to say something, looks frustrated, stops, grimaces]: Start over! [Establishing shot, voiceover as before, shot of IAN wearing the badge.] IAN: This is Worcester (which is pronounced "Wooster," just like I just said ... and if you're listening to this, like if someone is reading this aloud to you, or something, it's spelt double-you, oh, are, see, eee ... oh the hell with it, look it up yourself), The City That Time Forgot. [Long pause. Nothing happens.] IAN: ... The City That Time Forgot! VOICEOVER: Oh! Sorry, aren't you going to start over this time? IAN: .. THAT TIME FORGOT!!!!! VOICEOVER: Right, right, okay, okay ... [continues muttering not-quite-audibly during the next scene] [Behind Ian a bunch of motorcycles roars by. The riders are 1950s greasers. We follow them briefly, then stop and focus on some rosy-cheeked pioneers, bravely clearing land and planting wheat in the median of the highway. Cut to meeting of the town selectmen. They are all wearing President-Lincoln-type black clothes with tall hats. Cut to a log cabin in the median of a different highway. It has a badge that says: HELLO MY NAME IS WORCESTER SCHOOL HOUSE Children are playing outside. You can tell that they are the kind of God-fearing, respectful children that made this country great. Cut to THERE WAS GOING TO BE MORE BUT NOW I'M BORED AND NOBODY EVER FOLLOWS UP TO MY POSTS ANYWAY AND ANYWAY MY ULTRACENTRIFUGE RUN MUST BE READY TO COME DOWN NOW SO YOU CAN JUST IMAGINE WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. HA HA HA. SORRY ABOUT THE ALL CAPS IT DOES IT AUTOMATICALLY. -- Ian York (iayork@panix.com) "-but as he was a York, I am rather inclined to suppose him a very respectable Man." -Jane Austen, The History of England